Now that your marriage is over and done, do you feel it is time to move on? If you feel ready for a new commitment, there is nothing to stop you from seeking a new partner.

Getting back on the dating scenario after years of marital life can be a confusing experience. Things certainly won’t be the same as they were when you were dating in your teens. After all, you have been through the trauma of a failed relationship and you may be dealing with a plethora of emotions ranging from anger to anxiety. Here are a few things to remember when you start dating all over again.

First, don’t compare every prospective partner to your ex. Figure out what you are looking for in a new partner and choose your date accordingly. Some people tend to go in for people who are the exact opposite of their ex. For instance, if an ex husband or wife was domineering; they may choose someone who is extremely meek and submissive in the hope of rectifying their mistake. Such extreme measures only result in another failed relationship. Tell yourself that the relationship with your ex is a thing of the past. You have changed and moved on and you should be able to accept a person who is compatible with you, even if he or she has some similarities to your ex.

Deal with dating anxiety. Learn the ropes of dating all over again. You are sure to get jittery when you think of dating after a period of matrimony and the turmoil of divorce. Keep first dates short and sweet. For instance, you can go for a drink or talk over coffee. If it is alright with your partner, you can even go on double dates. If you like your date, you can always schedule another meeting.

Ask yourself if you are prepared for the intimacy of a new relationship or are you in the dating game just to show your ex that you are still desirable? If you simply want to prove a point to yourself or to others, it would be wise to slow down. Sort out your emotions first. You can seek help from friends or therapists. If you jump into relationships when you are not ready, the consequences can be disastrous.

Share your thoughts and plans with friends who have found love a second time. You can seek tips for dating from them or you can simply buy a book that deals with working on relationships after a divorce.

Don’t dwell in the past. Remember that your date has nothing to do with your previous marriage and listening to a catharsis of your marriage may be the last thing on their agenda. Your date will be eager to get to know you, not your ex. Never speak about your marriage or your ex until and unless your date asks you about it.

Remember that every relationship does not end in heartbreak or divorce, so dump the anxiety and keep your eyes and mind open for that dream match.

Jason Ladock

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