Dating after the end of a relationship is difficult, and even more complicated when kids are involved. Single parents often find their social life in shambles on account of their kids. But this should not always be the case. It is perfectly possible to be a single parent and to date and establish a strong and healthy relationship with a new partner.

Here are the few things to keep in mind if you are a single parent on the lookout for a new beginning.

Once you have made the decision to start dating, you can explain it to your children as per their age. For younger children, just say that you are going out with a friend. Older children can understand the concept of dating. However, don’t go in for detailed explanations of who you are going out with.

Don’t parade all prospective partners before your children. Introduce your new partner to your children only after you have made the commitment. You certainly cannot take your children along when you go on dates so make sure you have a reliable baby sitter lined up to look after the kids when you go out. However, if both of you are single parents and you feel committed enough, you may like to take your kids along once in a while so that they can get to mingle and enjoy a family atmosphere. Remember that this applies only to those who are firmly committed to a relationship or seriously considering in getting married. It is not a good idea to let kids bond with someone whom you are not sure you want to share your life with. Having people enter and exit their lives leave children emotionally drained and confused.

Get your priorities straight. Make it clear to your date that no matter what, your children come first. For instance, your date may wish to go for a movie when you have PTA meetings or basketball games schedules with your child. Let your date know your plans well in advance so that they can also plan accordingly. If you are a single parent who visits your children on weekends or holidays, let your partner know that those days are reserved exclusively for your children.

When you go out for a date, avoid conversations that deal with your children and their activities. At most, spend five minutes talking about your children.

Children find it difficult to accept the presence of a new individual in their parent’s lives, so expect resistance from your children when you decide to start dating. In such cases, just explain to your kids how you would like to spend some time in adult company just like they enjoy spending time with their peers. Reassure to your kids that your relationship with your partner is entirely separate from your relationship with your kids.

It would be wise to keep first meetings short. Get your kids to meet your partner over dinner. Remember that your partner may be a friend and a lover to you, but they are strangers as far as your children are concerned, so there is bound to be some awkwardness at the first meeting.

Ask your children about their inputs on someone you have been dating. Don’t let their opinions influence the way you feel, but watch out for signs which indicate that your partner is not interested in your children or has been rude to them.

Keeping these things in mid should make dating a smooth experience for single parents looking for a new start in their love life.

Jason Ladock

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