Childhood bullies have a lot to answer for. Certainly some of you reading this will have been bullied as a child and some of you might still be suffering from the long term effects it can have on us emotionally.

Of course, when you find out your child is being bullied you immediately want to protect them from what's happening. Yet it can be difficult to know what to do for the best and you certainly don't want to risk making the situation worse. The first thing to do is to let your child know that you are there for them and that you'll sort this out together, without making a fuss. You may be angry but remember your child might be feeling scared, humiliated and like they want the world to swallow them up and the last thing you want them to do is to withdraw from society. In fact, when your child goes to school it's a good idea to approach the subject of bullying periodically, say twice a year, so that they know they can come to you and you won't over react if they do experience bullying.

Giving support to your child when they are being bullied is essential and it comes in the form of not judging or blaming your child. That might seem silly but some parents assume their child has antagonised a bully and can drive their children away by implying they're not 100% on their side. No child wants to be bullied. If you have been bullied then tell them about it; they'll be very comforted by your story and also, never ever tell them to just ignore it.

The next step is to learn as much about the situation as you can and go and see the head teacher of the school about it. Don't go straight to the parents of the bully as this creates a direct conflict and chances are they won't believe your allegations. Make sure you have a buffer in the matter (the head teacher). Whether you tell your child you're going to do this needs to be your decision; you know if your child will protest or not. If you do tell your child you're going to tell the school then do it very calmly and show that you're able to deal with this sensibly. Angry parents are a huge embarrassment to children.

While the bullying is being dealt with, remember that it could still be going on, so don't just hand over the reigns to the school. Get your child involved in a hobby outside of school time where they can make new friends. This could give them the confidence to stand up to a bully at school, or otherwise not feel so alone when they come home. Try to let them see their new friends when they want to, even if it seems like a lot. The more time they spend having fun, the more confident they will feel.

One thing to remember throughout this very unfortunate situations is to follow your instincts. Don't tell yourself that you need to 'toughen your kid up', if really you want to take care of them and give them a big cuddle.

Stan Tian

Copyrighted material; do not reprint without permission.

 

View all articles by Stan Tian