I'm sorry. Two of the most powerful words a human can say, and ones which can have very different meanings depending on how they're said. They can be the hardest words to utter, but the easiest to hear. Using apologies is not something that comes naturally to a lot of couples and knowing how to do it properly takes practice and learning. So here are some tips on how to say sorry and make sure your partner knows you really mean it.

Firstly, you need to do some thinking by yourself before even considering an apology. Are you truly sorry, or do you still think you were justified in doing what you did because you were provoked? Sometimes both people are partly to blame and in this case you both need to take responsibility for your actions. Work out exactly what you are sorry for and make sure you are not angry any more. There is nothing worse than an angry person giving a bitter apology as it will just serve to make their partner angry, too. After all, who wants to hear someone say sorry when it's clear there's still animosity there? If you do feel your partner also has something to say sorry for then don't keep it quiet. Identify what you think each of you has done wrong and then ask them to tell you their point of view. You might find that this is when they say sorry and if so, you should say sorry too. If they don't say sorry then apologise yourself and tell them you would like an apology and until they feel they can do that then the situation is unresolved.

Secondly, try to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Something that you might find insignificant could be a huge deal to them and if you've offended them by accident, remember that it might have really hurt. Try your best not to vocalise that you think it wasn't a big deal as this could be just rubbing their insecurities or irrational thoughts in their face. Instead, tell them how you should have stopped to think how it feels from their point of view, and you're sorry that you didn't. Not only does this show your sorry but it shows that in future you mean to change your actions.

Finally, use the power of body language to show that you're really very sorry. This is the hardest part, but try your best not to look at the floor or down at your hands when you apologise. Doing this is okay, but your partner will believe you much more easily if you look at them in the eyes and unfalteringly, very sincerely say sorry. Don't do it while they're sitting down and you're standing in front of them as this is dominating. Instead, sit next to them or stand next to them so you are of equal stance.

Apologising can be a very difficult thing to do, but your partner will appreciate you trying your best to swallow your pride and just go for it. The most important thing is not to get angry, which is why that initial time alone to think about and put the situation into perspective is so very important.

Stan Tian

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