Introducing your girlfriend to your mates is a nerve racking experience but remember it’s ten times as frightening for her. There are no harsher critics than a bloke’s circle of close mates and they take absolute pleasure in pointing out your flaws and making life difficult.

Some mates are literally just drinking buddies. You wouldn’t introduce them to your Mum and they won’t be inviting them to the wedding. They might not even be your drinking buddies in a year’s time. Yet if you tell your girlfriend that she won’t believe you and she’ll think there’s something wrong with her. Quite the opposite is probably true, but that doesn’t mean you can get away without an introduction of sorts.

The thing is, depending on your mates, they might even be mean to her while she’s there. That would suck for everyone and could put a big strain on your relationship. Girl’s just don’t quite understand male humour or pack mentality…

Fortunately there’re precautions you can take to defend against their jibes. Firstly the obvious stuff; keep it brief, make a point of having to be somewhere in an hour or so. Keep it manageable, if the group is bigger than 10 then it’ll take two separate occasions. Try and introduce more girls to sympathise with her and glare at your mates when they step out of line. Speak to your most understanding friend and just explain that your lady friend could do with another of her kind around. Also, make sure there’s enough alcohol for your girlfriend but not too much for your mates to avoid them getting lairy.

Briefing her is also vitally important and you can defend against attacks by telling her about them in advance. If you keep getting called ‘Fatty’ for instance, then explain to her how it’s an affectionate nickname that really comes from their own insecurity and how you’d never mention Dave’s massive ears. Then when Dave calls you Fatty just shoot her a knowing look.

If you can get her to meet one of your friends previously too that can also be a good strategy as it will mean she’s got an ally in the fold and that at least one of your friends will likely sympathise with her. You can even try and bribe a couple of your friends with alcohol, threaten them with what you’re going to say to their girlfriends or blackmail them with information. All’s fair in love and war…

Then there’s the other element that we’re avoiding; the girlfriend herself. If she actually does have something wrong with her then your friends will be justified in their comments. She genuinely has to make an effort as well but so long as she does and she’s smart and attractive she should be mostly fine (a dirty trick is to invite a worse girl along so that she can take some of the flack). With guys obviously the looks play a big part so it wouldn’t hurt for her to wear something a bit sexy… (though it’s never easy to tell her that without getting a dirty look…).

At the end of the day remember that it doesn’t matter what your friends think; if you’re genuinely proud of her and love her then you know they’re just making life tricky. They’re probably just jealous. Their loss, if they’d behaved maybe you could have introduced them to her sister…

Mack LeMouse

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