Has your child’s temper tantrums become your worst nightmare? Biting, hitting and screaming are all signs of aggressive behavior in children and we as adults tend to get upset and put off by such behavior. What can you do about your child’s aggressive behavior?

First, understand that there is a difference between anger and aggression. Anger is an emotion we all have to deal with but aggression involves violence and destruction. Adults can draw a clear line between anger and aggression but as far as children are concerned, anger, sadness and frustration can sometimes lead to aggression.

Sometimes children show anger in an attempt to get attention or they may get angry in their attempt to mask their fears and sadness. Remember, the best way to help your child is to teach them to understand their feelings. Show them that you care and that you will always be there for them. Punishment and scolding should be the last resort. Here are a few tips to keep in mind while dealing with angry and aggressive children:

• Give your child the attention they crave for. "Comfortable silence" applies only to adults. Talk to your children and spend time with them. Display interest in their activities and participate when they ask you to. That way, your child will not have to throw a temper tantrum to get your attention. For example, you can join your child in a game of basketball or talk to them about a book or movie.

• Appreciate your children when they display good behavior. Children do not necessarily need gifts and treats to feel happy. A simple word of appreciation from you can make them feel uplifted. Tell them how you like it when they make their bed or take care of their younger sibling. This way, your child will know which behaviors you like and what you expect from them.

• Be very clear about behavior which is unacceptable. Being strict with your children will send them the message that hitting, biting and violence are not acceptable.

• Watch your child and his activities closely so that you can understand what triggers their anger. Little things like a delayed meal or the arrival of a new baby can upset a child and make him angry and defensive. Once you have identified the trigger, try and work around the situation. For instance, if your child is in the habit of throwing tantrum when he wakes up in the morning; let him sleep a few minutes more so that he gets time to clear his head and thoughts.

• Be affectionate to your children. It will not spoil them. Instead they will feel secure and loved and will become less prone to temper tantrums.

• In stressful situations, take time to explain things to your children so that they understand what is going on. For instance, if your family is going through a divorce, take time to explain the situation and its effects to your child.

• Be a good role model for your child. It won’t help if you are angry and frustrated. Give yourself some time to calm down before you deal with an angry child. At home, try and avoid arguments and drinking. Let your child join you as you help your neighbor with some chore or do some volunteer work.

Getting angry does not mean that your child is bad or mean. It could stem from an underlying sense of insecurity or fear. Whatever the reason, it is our duty as parents to understand our children and help them deal with negative emotions.

Jason Ladock

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