When you go for a night out alcohol is often an integral part of the proceedings. Unless you’re tee total or that most unfortunate of fates – designated driver – chances are you’ll neck more than a few pints. But while these can often be social lubricant, Dutch courage, or just inhibition loosening enough to give you a night you’ll never forget, it can also mean hangovers, disgusting kebabs, lost possessions, lost memories and regrettable sexual encounters.

So what’s the secret to getting it just right? Well frankly there isn’t one I’m afraid, but there are some precautions you can take and some considerations you can make when deciding how much to drink.

First of all, realise that if you drink more than four pints then officially you’re binge drinking. I know, it’s ridiculous. Technically my step Dad binge drinks every night in the living room. So don’t take that too seriously, most guys your age are doing it and have done it for some time and they all seem fine. Personally I think you’d have more of a problem if you drank those units spread out across the week. That would be like six units a day in some cases which would almost certainly lead to alcoholism.

Binging still isn’t exactly healthy however, it damages brain cells, your liver and can give you a beer gut. Excessive amounts of alcohol in your system can also lead to a bad mood and lethargy. You can combat the beer gut with dancing however (and you’ll dance like never before) and while it can damage your mood in the long run it can also be a great way to relieve stress and that creeping feeling that your many hours in an office cubical are amounting to nothing…

As you lose the memory of your stressors you also lose your inhibitions and seemingly the ability to discriminate between attractive and horrendous members of the opposite sex. You also lose the ability to discriminate between appropriate behaviour (showing off some funky moves on the dancefloor) and inappropriate behaviour (showing off some funky moves on the dancefloor… naked). You lose the ability to realise that it’s not a good idea to text anyone when you’ve lost the aforementioned ability to know what’s appropriate. You become a liability.

Worse, you won’t remember any of it. The only clues to what happened will be the phone number on your arm, the lipstick on your collar, the messages in your outbox and the terrifying pictures on Facebook.

But stop complaining – you love it really. So your life felt dull before and you needed some excitement… well now you have it! Without the alcohol you wouldn’t have the funny stories, the unusual encounters, or the rekindled relationships with exes you didn’t know you still had feelings for. The adventures you share will strengthen your friendships and give you stories to tell your kids. Enjoy it while you’re young.

And there’s the qualifier – while you’re young. While losing your job, your friends, your dignity might be funny when you’re in your teens or early twenties, as you become older you have responsibilities and a greater tendency for hangovers. So know when it’s time to call it quits.

Mack LeMouse

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