While conversing, speak quite quietly, again this pulls them in as they lean in to listen. It’s also more intimate. Subject wise, try not to be to self absorbed, do a lot of asking and listening (booooring) and try not to go to sleep (a turn off probably). Research your topic – find out what they’re into and give the conversation a chance to broche this subject.

Gloating is a no no, but is definitely preferable to negatively putting yourself down; do this and you’ll just seem like a wet blanket. The trick then is to seem confident without being too big headed. Do this by not seeming timid and smiling knowingly, not smugly. If you are complimented just say ‘thank you,’ or better, ‘you too!’ (Not if they compliment you on your manly stubble mind…).

While your body language is now very close and romantic, your conversation should be normal if slightly suggestive. Talk about day to day things, the scenery and throw in lots of humour. If they don’t laugh this is obviously a bad sign. You need to adapt to the girl you’re chatting up here, but you can either try and get things more intimate and romantic, or try the opposite tact of playful teasing. Keep it witty and not too offensive though.

Another good thing to add to the mix are some names. By this I mean mention her associates – not name calling. Show you know some of her buddies and it’ll put you in good stead. Another important note is to mention her name more than necessary. ‘Hey Sandy, what you up to? Cool Sandy! Nice speaking to you Sandy!’ (though not that weirdly). It’s more personal and will put you in their good books and subconsciously make her feel closer to you. (I don’t advise dating girls named Sandy however; it’s not great for street-cred…

Also give the conversation a chance to move onto something relationship orientated. Don’t necessarily ask them out, instead try something like this, ‘so you’re still single huh? Got any prospects in that area?’ This scopes out the situation, gets things a little hot and also implies you are interested without stating it bluntly.

Try to demonstrate intelligence, good humour and knowledge without showing off. But remember give them a chance to talk!

Different things work with different people of course. I was going to say remember your manners and chivalry but depending on the girl this might just seem old fashioned and lame. Just adapt, the Dinosaurs didn’t and look what happened to them!

Be sincere, or at least, come across sincere if they catch you acting phoney you can forget it. Now here’s the shocking part, I just don’t get it, but I know it’s true from experience: girls are not impressed by triumphs of your digestive system; so tales of gigantic, bog-filling sea beasts do not win affection. They do not find incredible belches a sign of your might, nor do they find the SBV (silent but violent) funny. I cannot understand it.

Mack LeMouse

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