If you've got more than one child of different ages then you'll remember, or be able to see right now how the younger sibling follows their older brother or sister around everywhere. They worship everything they say and do, even when the older child quite clearly expresses the don't like it. There is a very important reason for this, and older siblings teach their younger brothers and sisters things that parents often cannot.

Take deception for instance. A toddler who wants some of his mum's ice cream will often ask so much she'll give in and let him have a lick. An older sibling, on the other hand, will lift the ice cream just out of reach or tease their little brother with it. This makes the toddler think 'how can I go about getting it?' and try saying 'please' or tickle their older brother until they give in. These situations often end in squabbles, but it's these squabbles that teach younger siblings the basics of human emotions. A parent will hide their upset from a little one to stop them getting upset too, but an older brother or sister will let loose, having tantrums and crying no matter who watches.

Displays of more 'grown up' emotions from older siblings also prepare younger siblings for when they experience them too. For instance, if a 6 year old girl goes into her mother's jewellery box when she's not allowed she might get told off in front of her 2 year old brother. From seeing his crying sister, the 2 year old now knows not to go in his Mother's jewellery box or he will get told off too.

Because older brothers and sisters have little desire to protect their younger siblings they will expose them to the social situations that parents try not to express. Older siblings will show younger ones something 'naughty' and blackmail them so they don't tell their parents. This teaches the younger child so many things: how to keep a secret, that this thing is naughty and (hopefully) they might feel it unfair to be blackmailed and learn it is bad.

It might seem like the older sibling is being a bad influence on the younger one, but it's not all bad. Siblings will often share with their younger brothers and sisters and one classic example is that they play the overly energetic and silly games with them that adults refuse to. In fact, older brothers and sisters teach their subordinates how to interact better with other humans, how to get what they want and how to express their emotions better.

Don't worry about the oldest child here though. They will learn all these social qualities from their friends and to a certain degree from you, the parents. More often than not, the oldest child in the family will be more academically successful and with a higher IQ, rather than particularly socially apt or ethically minded.

Stan Tian

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