How will you tell your child that he or she is adopted? When is the right time to let your child know? These are the questions that plague the minds of almost all parents with adopted children.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind while talking to your kids about adoption.

• Broach the matter as early as possible. Sometimes parents tend to wait till the child is old enough to understand before breaking the news. However, as a child gets older, they may find it very difficult to cope with the fact that they have been adopted. There is bound to be resentment, anger and frustration. You can talk about adoption to children who are as young as three. They may not grasp the concept fully and there will be many questions but they can come to terms with the facts soon enough.

• Older children tend to get more upset when they learn that they have been adopted. They may withdraw, become angry and be prone to violent outbursts. The best solution is to let them vent their frustrations and clear their thoughts. Then you can have a talk with them. Hold your child close and let them know that they are loved and valued no matter what.

• Let your child know that his biological parents were good people. Your child is sure to ask you why they gave him away. Explain that it was done because they wanted to give their child a better chance at life than they could provide.

• If your child has any questions, fears or insecurities regarding his adoption, encourage him to talk to you. To be sure, you may not be able to answer all the questions your child poses, but expressing his feelings will help your child feel relaxed and comfortable with the fact that he has been adopted.

• If your child belongs to a different race or culture, explain it to him. Once he has coped with reality, he may be interested in his cultural and ethnic background. Encourage him in his attempts to know about his people and culture. Let him meet other people of the same race or region. Your participation in his efforts will help him feel confident and secure about his adoption.

• If you have biological children in addition to your adopted child, make sure that your biological children love and respects the adopted child. Never let them tease the adopted child or make him feel left out. Any such issue should be dealt with then and there.

• Tell your child that it is alright to love their biological parents as well. Some children feel guilty when they harbor affection for their biological parents. They feel as though they are cheating on their adoptive parents. Explain to your child that there is no need to feel torn between two families and that there is always enough love to pass around.

Adoption is a beautiful concept revolving around love and paternity. It does not really matter if your child grew in another woman’s tummy. He grew in your heart and is precious to you. Let your child know that.

Jonathan Pitts

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