So you’ve found the girl of your dreams and life is looking peachy, but the problem is she lives miles away. Maybe you met her at university and now you’re moving back home, maybe you met her at home and now you’re off to university. Maybe you job is forcing you to move away, or maybe you met her on holiday and never lived near her in the first place. Perhaps you’re even one of the new generation of people who have found love online?

So it’s not perfect, and it’s probably going to be fairly expensive and time consuming, but it does also have some advantages in a way and can be just as worthwhile and enjoyable a relationship. Surviving a long distance relationship can be tricky but here are some ideas how you can make it work.

Firstly you need to make sure you have regular contact with your other half, this can be in any form; via texting, e-mails, hotmail, the phone… but try and mix it up because each has it’s own strengths and weaknesses. Some couples I’ve met avoid using the phone as it can sometimes seem stilted. To be honest, the only time it will seem stilted is if you’ve not spoken for too long and is exactly why you need to actually talk in person regularly. If you feel awkward on the phone to what’s supposed to be the love of your life something is certainly wrong! Every now and then a random call out of the blue can be a really nice surprise and if it’s not convenient you can always call back later – it’s the thought that counts. Be a man about it (being a man also means paying the majority of the bill, so you might want to consider some kind of phone deal that means you can call her cheaply or better yet freely).

Another nice way to talk at distance is to have web cam dates through Skype or MSN. It can be great and exciting to actually see your other half in person (though a bit nightmarish turning the damn thing off) and it seems a lot more intimate than just speaking. You can even get naughty if that floats your boat and your girl is fairly relaxed about those sorts of things.

Actually meeting up obviously is important too and how often you do this is really going to depend on how far away you are. If you’re talking half an hour to an hour then you can probably still go for day trips occasionally without staying which means you can probably fit in one a week without making a big deal of it. If you live further however you’re going to have to stay round each other’s houses. Once a fortnight is probably a fairly good amount of time to do this as it means you can both still have a life – spending alternate weekends with friends and families – but that you can also see them regularly enough that it feels like you’re actually going out.

Seeing each other any less than once a fortnight, say once every three weeks, becomes more a formality and less of a relationship. If you can’t afford to see her every fortnight most of the time then you’re going to find the relationship fairly difficult.

When you visit it’s also going to be more of an ‘event’ than it would be if you lived nearer. You’re probably going to want to make the most of the day by doing something special but try and make sure you still do the normal mundane stuff too – that’s part of what it means to be in a relationship.

The other problem with seeing each other like this is that you’re probably not living alone. Chances are you’ll be living with friends or parents and that means that you’re not going to be able to walk around the house naked together like those weekends you remember fondly. For this reason it can be nice to occasionally stay at hotels or go out places for the day to the zoo or to a museum. This way you’ll get some time just the two of you which is incredibly important if you’re going to stay as close as you’d like. Saying that though you also need to spend some time with each other’s friends and families to make sure your lives are compatible. These are all things that would sort themselves out in an ordinary relationship but if you go long distance you’ll need to make extra effort to ensure it happens.

A holiday every year or so can also be a great way to spend some more alone time together and in an exciting and hopefully romantic environment. Crucially it will also give you something exciting to look forward to which can make the months in between fly by faster.

Make sure you always do something on special occasions, a night in a hotel for Valentine’s day can be nice, or at least sending flowers. Occasionally sending a letter in the post or ordering flowers for no particular reason though can also make a really nice gesture, bringing some of the spontaneity and thoughtfulness that you might normally expect from your relationship. If you have birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, Valentine’s and holidays to look forward to then the gaps in between will fly by.

Something to look forward to is actually in general an important point, and if you life far apart you’re going to have to think about the future sooner than you would otherwise. You’re both investing more time with less contact than you normally would be in a relationship and you need to know that it’s going somewhere and that it won’t continue indefinitely.

The good news is that if you survive this you’ll probably survive anything. You both know that you mean a lot to the other one and you know that if in future one of you has to travel you’ll be okay. On top of all that, the days you do meet up will feel amazing and as you spend days missing each other you’ll realise how much you mean to each other. Surviving a long distance relationship is tricky then, but if you put in the work you’ll reap the rewards. Good luck!

Mack LeMouse

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