Every single relationship is different, yet most of us will come across a problem with jealousy at some point in our lives. In many relationships there is a constant battle for attention and love, against other parts of our partners lives such as their friends, family and work. Luckily, with some understanding and patience all relationships can recover from envy.

It's very important that couples keep in contact and communicate their insecurities. It's not 'wrong' to feel jealous of someone in your partner's life, but we must understand that our insecurities have little point or value and that often they are completely confounded and simply a product of our paranoia. Tell your partner about an insecurity as soon as it arises and they will do the same for you. They can put your mind at rest and know how they can make you feel more comfortable with the situation. Jealousies that are kept quiet and never spoken about eat away at one party and leave the other feeling confused.

There are two main reasons why people don't tell their partners they are jealous. The first because they are embarrassed to admit they have low confidence. Some people think that they are not worth loving and therefore expect their partner to be looking elsewhere. We're always told that self confidence is sexy, so it transpires that low self self confidence is unsexy and we keep quiet about it, letting our jealous feelings eat us up inside. The second reason for not telling our partners is that we actually don't trust them. All of us can imagine how much it hurts to be told someone doesn't trust you and so we don't tell others if that's the case. After all, if someone doesn't trust you for no particular reason then why bother to stay with them? We are scared to tell our partners we don't trust them, for fear of upsetting them and driving them away.

If you've been accused of cheating or flirting with someone else and you know you haven't, remember it's only insecurity that your partner is suffering from; not malice or melodrama. What you need to do is to talk to them calmly, don't accuse them of 'making it up', but go through each detail and reassure them you haven't done anything untoward. Whether they believe you or not is their problem, but don't be alarmed if it takes them a while to come around. If you are jealous, then think back to what sparked it all off and remember that it could be your insecurities playing upon the situation. Tell your partner what's been worrying you. Don't be afraid to suggest ways that might make you feel better about things, providing they're reasonable E. G. 'I'd like you to call me for at least 5 minutes each day' rather than 'I don't want you to have any contact with your ex any more'.

Never forget that holding onto a jealous emotion and not talking to your partner about it is a recipe for arguments and heartbreak. Similarly, if you have a partner with low self esteem remember that any extra compliments and love that you give them will only raise their confidence, so don't hold back.

Stan Tian

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