Since the 1800s, parenting styles have changed dramatically. We no longer believe that children should be 'seen and not heard' and disallow any immature behavior in the company of other adults. Yet from family to family, parenting styles still differ greatly and psychologists have identified that parenting usually follows one of four main styles.

That slightly old fashioned way of parenting still goes on today, under the name 'Authoritarian Parenting'. Authoritarian parents tend to give orders to their children and expect them to obey without asking why it is necessary. There is little communication with the child regarding rules, and when a rule isn't obeyed the form of punishment is usually physical or taking something away, rather than talking the child through why what they did was wrong. Authoritarian parenting has, however, been shown to be detrimental to a child's esteem and emotional management techniques. While they do well at school, children who have been brought up this way tend to give up quickly when they perceive a problem as difficult, and get very frustrated with authority during adolescence. This has only been discovered by psychologists over the past century, which is possibly why other parenting techniques continue to become more popular.

One such technique is perhaps the exact opposite of authoritarian parenting and it is known as 'Indulgent'. These parents interact with their children closely, provide explanations and support, but also don't make any demands of them or set any boundaries. While this might appear to make for a happy child, as opposed to authoritarian children who are unhappy, this is not necessarily the case. These children often feel they are responsible for things that their parents should be and as a result they feel unsafe and vulnerable. They generally grow up to be quite independent, but are more likely to get involved in drugs and crime, are impulsive and put little importance on academic achievement.

Indulgent parenting usually comes as a result of wanting a child to love them so much they don't risk upsetting them with rules. For parents who don't care what their children feel about them, neglectful parenting often occurs. This style doesn't necessarily mean children are not cared for; often they have everything that they need and even some luxuries, but little interaction with the parents and very little emotional support. This obviously has an effect into adulthood, including difficulties with social interaction, low confidence, immaturity and a higher chance of developing mood disorders.

While none of the parenting styles that we've seen so far involve abuse and they do have merits, often the negatives far outweigh the positives in terms of what is best for the child. Don't despair, the Authoritative Parenting style offers benefits for both the child and the parent without any negatives at all. Authoritative parents set generous boundaries for their children, but when they do so they explain exactly why those boundaries are there. They also encourage their child to achieve, supporting them all the way and ensuring them that if they fail they will be disappointed, but not angry and next time to 'try harder'. The premises with authoritative parenting are simple; communicate with the child about your rules, let them have a defined level of freedom and when they disobey talk to them about why you are angry rather than giving unexplained punishment. Children of authoritative parents usually grow up focused on their own achievements, whilst coping very well with pressure and having a happy disposition.

Stan Tian

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