Dating is a time fraught with worries, concerns, insecurity and even paranoia. We often get so focused on how we come across to our potential partner that we completely forget to find out about them and use that early time together wisely. That's why we've put together some ideas and pointers for you to use on your dates, so that you find out what makes him tick and what he's really about.

There are some things that you just can't ask outright on a date, but looking at his body language and asking other questions can give you some insight into his personality and life. For instance, his taste in entertainment. Does it match yours? If he loves comedy sketch shows but isn't a huge fan of films then he might have a short attention span but also a great sense of humor. He's probably a bit spontaneous and you'll never be bored. On the other hand, perhaps he prefers to read rather than go to the cinema or watch TV in the evenings. Use your intuition here; he loves to test his brain and learn new things, which also bodes well because he'll be keen to learn about you. Someone who listens to the radio a lot might be busy a lot of the time, but they'll always be up to date with modern society and could well be a good listener too.

If you didn't meet through work, then career is one of the subjects that's almost guaranteed to crop up on a first date. Try to watch and listen for signs of enthusiasm when he talks about his work. Is he passionate about it and does he have a lot of opinions about it? If they seem to hate their job, or quickly try to change the subject then be prepared for them to feel stressed, fed up and frustrated in a future relationship. Of course this wouldn't be directed at you, but it's often the partner in a relationship who has to bear some of the weight.

Friends can be a great indicator of loyalty and ability to mix in different circles, so ask how long he's known them, where they live etc. Asking about siblings too can also show you are interested in his life and he will ask you the same questions back, giving you the chance to reveal the same information about yourself. If he says he a single child this doesn't necessarily mean he was spoiled; it could also mean he's very independent but close to his parents emotionally. An oldest child is more likely to be academically clever and financially successful, whereas a youngest child is more likely to have great social skills, bargaining tools and place importance on happiness rather than success. A middle child is likely to be quiet but also very creative and when you get them out of their shell they could be exciting and spontaneous too.

Remember that guiding the conversation towards very personal areas of someone's life isn't always such a good idea, so keep it light and trivial. Asking someone what their favorite book is isn't a worthless question; listen to their answer and really think about what it says about them.

Stan Tian

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