Decades ago doctors and sex experts believed that the majority of women couldn't physically have an orgasm. This was largely due to the sensitivity of discussing sexual problems with patients and the lack of research equipment at the time, but now we know that the majority of women can, in fact, orgasm, but a great deal of them simply haven't managed it yet.

If you're one of those women then don't despair. You're certainly not alone and it's not the end of the road for you. While there are many things that could be standing in the way of you and your moments of bliss there are just as many ways to try and get around them. One of the most common and easy to remedy reasons for not being able to climax is a lack of clitoral stimulation during sexual intercourse. Sometimes it's difficult for a man to maintain clitoral stimulation with his fingers for long enough, whilst staying in the right position to bring his partner to orgasm, and similarly it's awkward for the woman to do this herself if the subject hasn't been broached beforehand. All we can suggest is to talk through the reasons for self stimulation and reassure the man that it's not because they are inadequate but because most women cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

It's not something we like to think about, but a lot of women see their ability to orgasm wane significantly when they're under stress, or there are strains in the relationship. Do you have a mental block when it comes to sex? If this is the case then sex therapy can be a huge help, but also trying to relax as much as possible beforehand too. A hot bath, close cuddle and kisses or even meditation can help.

The other most common reason for not achieving orgasm is that foreplay isn't long enough. There is a definite correlation between the length of foreplay and a woman's ability to climax, so talk to your partner about this. A lot of women actually report that they rarely orgasm - if at all - without oral sex, so get the ball rolling (excuse the pun), go down on him and wait for the favor to be returned. You could even start without him before you meet up and have all the excitement of a 'quickie' with the added fun of an orgasm too.

If you've tried all of these tips and still aren't having any luck then you should visit your local sexual health or family planning clinic. They will either refer you to a specialist or look further into your problem to see how to help. It is seen as a legitimate problem for women, so don't worry that it will be seen as insignificant and not as important as other problems.

The ability to orgasm tends to improve with age, with many women reporting that they couldn't climax until their 40s, 50s and even 60s. Luckily now we live in an age where scientific research, technology, medicine and sexual knowledge is rife and almost every difficulty can be overcome.

Stan Tian

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