When you’ve been going out with someone for a while and everything seems to be going well a pressure often begins to mount as you realise that pretty soon one of you is going to have to say they love the other one. This can be a scary and very vulnerable moment, and saying it too soon can often result in a fairly awkward moment. How do you know then if you’re doing the right thing?

Firstly, it’s normal for the guy to say it first. Sorry lads, that’s just the way it is. So if you take too long the girl is going to start getting anxious and possibly even annoyed at you. Whatever you do don’t try cop-outs like ‘I adore you’ or ‘I love spending time with you’; these will just draw attention to the fact you’re not saying it and will annoy them further. A normal kind of time is anywhere between a month to three months, longer than that and your woman will start getting impatient.

When I had the same problem I asked my friends. It was a few weeks since we’d become an official item and the first person I asked answered my question before I even asked it, by saying ‘it’s not like you can already be in love or anything…’. I just smiled and nodded, it turned out she’d spent six months with her guy before they’d said the L word! Dejected I had just decided I was going to wait a bit longer before my friend came home and excitedly told me he’d met his ‘soul mate’ that night – and told her. I quickly realised that no one can tell you when the right time is and that it’s something only you know.

If you’re feeling the love though, chances are that she is too. You can normally pick up on these sorts of things at an unconscious level, and if she didn’t like you as much as you liked her you’d probably feel that something was wrong. If it all just feels like bliss and you genuinely think you love her then just go ahead and tell her. Chances are she feels the same, and it’s certainly not a contract. Why hide the way you feel? As Ross says in friends, it’s always nice to learn that someone loves you…

The best time to do this is either in a quiet romantic moment after a good day, or at a random time that will take her by surprise. If you’re out and she says something cute and you get that feeling that you’re with the cutest and best girl in the world then just go with your gut and get it out there. Be honest with yourself and honest with her and hopefully it’ll bode well for the rest of your relationship. If she tells you it’s too soon then just explain to her that it should put no extra pressure on her, but that you just wanted her to know how you feel. It doesn’t mean you’ll always feel that way, but in that moment – that’s how you feel. Why hide it?

Mack LeMouse

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