Parents can find it very disturbing to see their child cry, especially when they leave them for a short period time in a day care or with other family members or relatives. The reason that the child is not able to bear this separation is because they love you so much and are very dependant on you when they are too young. They are unable to see you go away. In addition, they feel very insecure that they have to manage alone and they do not know the fact that you would come back in sometime.

When a child cries during such circumstances, do not ignore it. This is because, over a period of time, the child may not really want you and you would feel too much aloof from his or her world. They should be pacified and given enough reassurance that you would be back soon to give them a warm hug.

Here are some ways to show them your love and give them confidence to face the real world alone:

• Kiss your child on the palm and ask them to treasure it till you come back. You would be surprised as to how they cherish your kiss.

• Laminate a small picture of your happy family and put them in their box. In case they miss you, ask them to see this picture until you come back.

• Everyday when the child leaves for school, ask them to choose a number from the lots. The lots should contain numbers from 5 to 15. Promise that when you meet them, they would have so many hugs and kisses as the number they pick. More importantly, honour your word and never miss this even how busy you are.

• For very clingy children, promise them a reward a day if they are able to boldly stay through the day without you. Once they adapt, you can increase it to slightly bigger awards once in a week unless they outgrow their separation anxiety.

• Tell your child that it is his or her school and that adults are not allowed to enter. It is their secret time for them to enjoy. Let them know that you would take them for a walk in the evening and they can tell you what they enjoyed during the day and what they did not.

• Distract the kids when they start crying if they are not at a stage where they can understand your language too well or they are not too carried away by your ‘rewards’. Show them smiling children who play happily and say that if you are there, the child may not be allowed to play for the next 3 hours.

• As soon as you are going to leave them, give them a toy which they can play with. Once you are there, they give the toy back to you and get the same back when you leave them next time.

• Tell them simply some reassuring sentences like ‘Mom and dad will be back to pick you up at 4. Do not cry’. This kind of a simple statement without many gimmicks may actually work!

Mark Perry

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