"What had happened to my little girl?" wonders one mother. "She used to be such an amicable child. Now she spends all the days sulking and listening to some sad music." "I can no longer talk to my son!" laments a father. "All my attempts to advise this 15-year-old smart aleck end in arguments. He just walks out slamming the door behind him." "What shall we do?" panic of the parents. Their teenage son contemplates dropping out of school and staying on his own.

Dear parents, if you are experiencing a similar situation with your growing children, you are not alone. Welcome to this new phase of life called ‘your child’s adolescence’! It is indeed a difficult time for both of you. However, with patience, understanding and love, things can be straightened out and your relations with your teens can reach a more mature and mutually rewarding level.

First of all, keep in mind that all these irksome mood swings and temper outbursts may have physiological basis and are often caused by the raging levels of hormones. Puberty is the time of accelerated growth, both physical and mental. This is when the youngsters have an intensified awareness of what others might be thinking about them. The teens do not act nasty on purpose; they just cannot help being that way. Remember this and be patient.

Also, please understand that you child is a separate individual with his or her own convictions, tastes and desires, an individual who is almost an adult. It is high time to stop imposing your own values, likings and ideals on him or her. Psychologists claim that by the age of seven a child is a fully formed person, and the only thing which makes that child different from an adult is lack of experience and maturity. A deep communication gap is created when parents fail to recognize and respect the unique, distinctive individuality of their child.

Ironically, no matter how independent your teenagers may project themselves, they still yearn for your help and guidance. You only need to offer it with love and compassion, without undue criticism. Love your child for what he or she is and not for what you want him or her to become. If they approach, do put aside all other tasks and give them a patient ear. Speak less, listen more. If you are not on talking terms, things can still be corrected. Perhaps, you can leave for them small notes like "I am sorry!", "I am proud of you!" or "How about having a chocolate fudge tonight?" Let them know that you will be there for them in all circumstances.

‘Braving’ your child’s adolescence can be a trying time for you as well as for your child. However, with a lot of patience, understanding and empathy you can re-build the broken bridges and strengthen your bond. It is absolutely worthwhile an effort. What could be more satisfying than helping your teenager blossom into a mature adult!

Jonathan Pitts

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