It's the old cliché: we've been with our boyfriend or girlfriend for a few months and now it's time to meet their parents; the potential In-Laws. Unfortunately, even though all parties try their best to avoid that cliché, somehow the situation arises anyway. There are reasons for that, which we'll go into later.

Firstly, it's important to at least try and remove the idea that you're automatically going to have a bad relationship with them before you meet. There's no harm in telling your partner that you're nervous and if you do they'll hopefully give you the lowdown on what their parents are actually like. Ask them what to expect and what you can do that would make them really happy. If ever there's an awkward silence, saying something like 'I hear you like to sail; I used to go sailing with my parents as a child' is an instant winner. It shows you've listened intently to what your partner has told you and it shows your family has something in common with theirs. Plus, of course, it's a talking point.

Do remember that they are probably just as nervous as you, so if they're quiet and not starting conversations don't automatically assume 'they hate me!'. You have never met these people before and it may be in their nature to be reserved. If they are the exact opposite, handing out plenty of hugs and kisses and making slightly awkward jokes then remember this could be a coping mechanism too; they want to make you feel included. Try to have one on one conversations with each parent too; this shows you are interested in them as people and not just 'in-laws'. Visiting their house on your own (even if it's just to drop off the cake tin they left at yours last week) shows you are a strong individual and are keen to spend time with them, not just accompany your partner to keep them happy.

The first thing your parents will ask their child once the meeting is over is 'What did he/she think of us?'; so think of something constructive! Don't simply say 'they were very nice', but make a positive comment about something specific, and even a suggestion such as 'it's lovely to see how close you are with your parents. Since your Mum loves the coast shall we go for a picnic on the beach sometime?'. Your partner might cringe at the idea, but explain to them that you really want this to work and it's too early to start going out with them on your own.

Finally, have your wits about you. Try not to swear or wear anything too revealing, but don't put on such a farcical show that they don't get to know anything about the real you. The most important thing is to have a positive outlook and remember what your partner has told you about their parents.

Stan Tian

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