Parents are often confused about how to deal with their teenagers. They are neither children, nor adults. They are seeking their individuality and independence and at the same time they are not really ready to be independent of their parents. Combine these emotions with raging hormones and you get a confused, rebellious individual. This is what makes dealing with and disciplining teenagers very difficult.

How can you discipline your teen effectively?

• Make and enforce household rules. Make it clear to your teen that there are certain rules to be followed in your home. Let them know what is permitted and what is not, when they are expected to return after an outing, which friends are allowed to come home, what outfits are permitted and so on.

• Assign responsibilities to your teen. This shows that you trust them and they will be obliged to live up to it. Ask your teen to watch the younger kids or help you make meals. Such small and simple chores instill responsibility and a sense of worth in your children.

• Punish misdeeds. This will show your children that bad or improper actions won’t be tolerated. However, punishments must be reasonable and related. There is no use asking your son to mow the lawn for the month because he scored poor grades. Instead ask him to refrain from going out with friends and participating in sports until he gets his grades up. Similarly, punishments should be practical. There is no use promising to ground your daughter for a lifetime if she gets home late. She knows that it is impossible. Instead make it clear to your daughter that her social life will come to a standstill if she cannot follow the rules and timings you have set for her.

• Discipline your teen consistently. Don’t discipline your child only when you feel like it. They should know that bad deeds won’t be tolerated even though you are busy or ill. Rules and punishments apply at all times.

• Don’t let your teen manipulate you. Teens tend to do this. They may get angry and aggressive. Don’t let this intimidate you. Stand firm in your decision so that your teen knows that he won’t be able to manipulate you. Alternately, your teen may use sentiments and tears to get their punishment reduced. Don’t fall for such shows of emotion either.

• At times, let your child deal with the consequences of their actions. This applies only to certain circumstances. For example, you should not let your teen drive recklessly thinking that he ought to learn a lesson from the physical and financial consequences of a road accident. On the other hand if your teen scores bad grades, let him deal with the shame and resolve to score better.

• Spend time with your teen. Take time to talk to him or her and learn what is on their mind. Often, shows of anger and rebellion stem from underlying emotional turbulence. By understanding what is on your child’s mind, you will be able to help them deal with their problems. Sometimes a parent has to become a friend if they want to get across to their teen.

• Never ever give in to violence or harsh words. Your teen may be testing your patience but by hurting them verbally or physically, you are only widening the gap between you and your child. If you find yourself getting angry, take some time to calm down before dealing with your teen.

Jonathan Pitts

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