When you’re going on a first date it’s inevitable that you will be nervous. Particularly if you met a girl in a club or in a bar, in which case you really know absolutely nothing about them. If you’ve arranged to go for a date then, that probably means at least three hours of talking to someone you don’t know in a way that will keep them entertained and get them interested in you as a potential second date.

The main threat is that you’ll run out of dating conversation topics to talk about. For some reason the impetus in these situations is always on the man so if conversation runs dry it will be you who is perceived as boring/a bad host. If you have to sit there for an hour in silence it will be completely cringe worthy and you can forget any chances of a follow up. This is why many guys have a ‘code red’ get out clause on a first date; so get a friend to text you or ring you about half way through and then you can pretend there’s an emergency and you have to leave.

A better tactic however is to facilitate the dating conversation topics. One way to do this is through the nature of the date itself. For example, going to see a film first will give you something to talk about over drinks or a meal (don’t just go and see a film however or you’re just putting off the getting to know them stage and will have to do it next time). Alternatively make sure there is a good supply of drinks available wherever you’re going to loosen things up. I’ve been known in the past to have a drink before going for a bit of social lubricant but that ended badly on an ice skating date…

Remember though, conversation is a two way thing, and if you’re finding you have nothing to talk about that means it’s partly her fault. If she’s really interested in you she should ask you as many questions as you’re asking her. If she doesn’t then either you look less attractive when she’s not hammered or she’s just not that bright or interesting. Realising that it’s partly down to her really eases the tension slightly on a date. This isn’t an interview – this is a two way thing. Sit back for a bit from time to time and let her try to woo you for a change.

Similarly, if you’re nervous about a date you can often spend too much time in your own head. This results in you ‘steering’ the conversation to your pre-set ideas of what you want to talk about making it forced and stilted conversation. Make sure you really listen to her answers then and react to those. For example if you ask her what her favourite band is because you planned that as a good question then don’t just take the answer and move on to the next question, instead think about it and actually respond to what she’s saying. Do you like that band? Can you spark a debate as to why they’re no good? What is it about that band she likes? Has she seen them live? Does she go to many concerts? This way the conversation will flow far more naturally.

Anyway, all that’s very good and well but if you’re reading this you probably want just one thing – a list of dating conversation topics you can use. Well handily when I was in the dating game I was sufficiently full of neuroses as to have written out several different plans for dating topics so here are some I remembered… So use these as guidelines for things you can start talking about but remember that once you do start you need to really engage with her answers and see where they take you. Don’t blurt them all out at the start of the night, but save some until the end. But most of all stay natural, this isn’t a ‘script’, it’s just a fall back that’s aiming to trigger further conversation.

Firstly, start by asking her about her day – launching straight into a deep conversation about politics will again seem unnatural and it’ll seem nice that you’re interested in what she’s been doing. Again react to this and ask her if it’s typical of one of her days. Then maybe tell her about your day – in detail without sparing the little details that give the day character – and give her the opportunity to react to that. Another good thing to do is to read the paper or watch the news so you can talk about current events. This way you will seem informed and you can move onto something that’s not just ‘small talk’.

Then you could talk about the venue. Comment on the place you’re in and ask her where she goes regularly. Try to suss out her ‘mental map’, the kinds of places she goes and the kinds of things she does and look for things in common. You can also people watch in most venues. This is a great fun way to make conversation and noticing things in other people can often trigger conversations between the two of you too.

Questions such as ‘what’s your favourite band’ or ‘what kinds of films do you like? ’ are really not great dating conversation topics as they will quickly lead to immediate answers. These topics are really just ‘small talk’ and if you fill a night with small talk it will seem throw away and pointless. ‘What’s your favourite band’ is great if your 13, not so much if you’re post-pubescent. Instead ask her questions about her work, whether she enjoys it, what kind of school she went to, whether she enjoyed it, who she lives with, whether she enjoys it… You get the idea. And this opens the avenues for much deeper conversation and potentially a connection. Remember that conversation doesn’t have to be a series of questions and answers as this can be quite intimidating, and again you’re heading towards an interview format.

Some dating conversation topics are off limits however if you want to make a good impression. And while it’s important not to be fake (this will only come out in the woodwork later on) there is at least a certain amount of impression management that needs to go on. For example, stay away from anything too heavy on a first date that could lower the tone. You need her to associate you with fun and a good time at this point, not with miserable depressing conversation. Similarly you shouldn’t stay on past relationships for too long – you don’t want to tinge your blossoming new romance with the stench of a previous one gone sour and you don’t want to scare her away with your Casanova style long/pathetically short list of previous sexual conquests (and she certainly won’t want to share hers). You can also end up talking about what you’re both looking for which is really a bit early at this stage and can taint future dates.

Dating conversation topics you do want to talk about are those that make you look smart, those that she seems to enjoy, and those that make you look successful. Don’t turn this into a long list of achievements, and it’s nice to leave some of your back story a mystery for a while, but don’t shy away from opportunities to tell her how you were captain of your rugby team either.

Then there are some underhanded tactics you can use to give yourself an edge. Thankfully Facebook is great for this as it allows you to get access to large amounts of personal information without actually speaking to someone. If you log into her Facebook account before you speak to her you’ll be able to find out what her hobbies and interests are, favourite films, books and music, local hangouts… If she’s one of those girls who fills out forms and quizzes you can even find out when her first kiss was and whether which character out of Friends she’d be. You can then ‘drop’ these into your dating conversation topics in a casual way to pepper your conversation with sure fire hits. While this might be tactical however, be sure not to let her know you’ve been reading her Facebook as it could come across as a little bit creepy. Rest assured though, if she’s interested she’s probably looking at yours too.

So those are some dating conversation topics for first dates. Good ones to bring up and dodgy ones to avoid, as well as some tips as to how to control the flow of the conversation. The most important thing to remember is that a date should be fun. See it like that and you can’t go far wrong – you’ll be relaxed and your enjoyment will rub off on her. If you’re still worried and don’t think you can manage that however, then just take her somewhere that will act as a distraction – ice skating, to a museum, or to play a game such as mini-gold – and then this can act as your topic of conversation.

Mack LeMouse

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