You’re in a crowded bar and the music is pounding, you’ve had a few drinks and you’ve had a great night so far. There are a whole bunch of people at the bar with you, jostling to get the attention of the bar staff, but suddenly one of them stands out to you. The music and the beer drinkers fall silent and a pair of beautiful eyes cut through the fog of your alcohol induced haze. She’s perfect – definitely at least a 9 – and you’d give anything to have a dance with her, get her number, take her home… marry her… (maybe that’s the alcohol talking but damn she’s fine). But if you’re anything like me that won’t happen, instead what you’ll do is turn back to your drink and return your focus to the night in hand – and maybe later a couple of 3s once you have some Dutch courage in you.

The problem is your flirting, and a lot of us guys just still don’t know how to do it. I know I don’t, but using a few flirting tips I picked up along the way I was able to bluff my way through and today I’m in a happy long term relationship as a result. So how can you do the same? Well read on you might pick up some handy advice.

Simple Flirting Tips

Act confident – With flirting it’s really probably about 50% to do with confidence. You know that really – just think of your ugly looking friends and how successful some of them are just by acting ballsy. Well there’re three reasons for this; one is that women are attracted to power, it sounds harsh but it’s true, and whether that power is wealth or strength confidence suggests on a subconscious level that you don’t have anything to worry about; secondly, confidence tells her that you’re a good genetic catch and that she’s doing well to be with you – if you don’t act intimidated by her then she immediately assumes that she’s shooting with someone in at least the same league as her; and thirdly confidence means you can be more outgoing and fun, and who doesn’t like that? The problem is I know that magically ‘becoming’ confident is far harder than it sounds. How can you find the confidence you need to suddenly start acting differently? Well the important thing to remember is that she probably is thinking the exact same thing. Believe it or not, the hottest woman in the world probably has just as many confidence issues as you and was most likely worrying all night whether her legs looked fat in that deliciously tiny microskirt. In other words, she may be a 9, but she probably thinks she’s a 5… and that puts you on a level playing field.

Tease her – Another way to show mock confidence and a good way to get a lot of women to laugh is to tease them. This again demonstrates that you’re not intimidated and that you have a sense of humour.

Adapt – At the same time though, be careful not to tease her if she’s a sensitive flower type. By adapt I mean that you have to realise that one trick won’t work for everyone and that you need to alter your behaviour depending on who you’re talking to. That’s one of the ridiculous things about these ‘formulas’ for scoring women – nothing will work on everyone. Sure the confident one might enjoy someone having the nerve to put them down occasionally, but if you’re chatting to someone who’s shy she’s just going to be upset when you tease her for not being able to tie her shoe laces. Similarly if she’s very insecure she might just cry… and that’s really not what we’re going for here…

Be Yourself – It’s the oldest cliché in the book but it’s true, as I pointed out above every girl is different which means that every girl has a different type of ideal guy. So on the one hand you could try and guess what type of man she’ll like and attempt to act like that, or you can just take a gamble and try out your own personality. And the thing is she’s just as likely to like either (unless you’re Hitler) – but at least if you’re you she won’t see through it as phony. And there’s nothing more pathetic than a man macho posturing or trying to be something he’s not.

Treat them like anyone else – ‘So go over there and say hi!’ your friends are telling you. ‘But I don’t know what to say!’ you respond desperately. Chill. The problem is that you’re looking at this differently from any other encounter. The secret is to just act normal to start with and chat with her as you would an interesting looking guy. This normally means you have to come up with some contrived kind of excuse to talk to her, but there’s nothing wrong with that if it means you save face if she’s not interested. Unless she’s a really far up her own rectum she’ll talk back, and unless you’re as thick skinned as an elephant you should pretty quickly be able to tell if she’s into you.

Send subtle signals – While you’re talking to her, or even on the dance floor or across the bar, there are many subtle signals you can send to let her know you’re interested. The secret here is to be subtle without being too subtle. A lot of guide books for flirting tips recommend that you send subtle hints such as showing your wrists, accidentally brushing against her or pointing your foot towards her… Seriously?? She’s not a mind reader and you need to be much more obvious than that or she won’t know if you’re interested or not (or will just think you’re a whimp). If you’re drinking anyway then it’s really not going to blow up in your face and she can’t regale you for just being interested so have some guts and just do it. If she’s not interested she’ll just make her excuses and leave.

So what are these subtle signals? Well one that can work at any proximity is to simply look her in the eyes, look down to her feet, then back up to her eyes and smile. That basically says ‘I’ve checked you out and you are fiiiiine’. The good news is you can’t get into trouble for that little move, but she’s bound to pick up on it and if she likes it she’ll come over to chat. You can try it on every girl in the club if you’re so inclined.

Send subtle signals cont. – Another is to simply ask if she wants a drink. If you’re chatting and it’s going well this instantly tells her that you’re interested in her in a more romantic fashion. If she’s at the bar or not facing you at the time you can send an even more obvious signal (that she’ll also enjoy) by putting one hand on the small of her back as you lean in to ask her. This is pretty much a universal signal and you’ll come across as pretty suave for knowing it too…

There are many more little cues and signs you can use to indicate your interest however. For example holding her gaze for too long, or offering her your hand to lead her to the bar. Both these things tell her you’re interested without too much chance to be shot down. Another obvious one is to ask for her number, so do this early on in order to set the tone.

Be decisive – When you offer to buy her a drink she might well say she doesn’t mind – in which case pick for her rather than pressing her for an answer. This is a common test to check your decisiveness and if you do so and choose correctly it shows you’re attentive and will be able to make future decisions regarding the two of you. A good choice is Malibu and Lemonade – not least because it tastes nice when you kiss them later.

Pick up on her signals – Just as you’re working your ass off to send your signals, she’s probably doing the exact same thing so don’t be a dunce and miss them. Again though, don’t try and read the signals they suggest in these body language guides – hair flicking, excessive blinking, pupil dilation… even forensic detectives struggle with these kinds of things so it’s unlikely you’ll be able to do it yourself. Instead look for more obvious signs – if she’s chatty and flirtatious and is choosing to talk to you instead of going back to her friends then she’s probably interested (or just wants a free drink). If you do the look think and she doesn’t gag or run away then she’s probably interested. Again, look at her as anyone else and don’t read too much into every little action.

Talk to the friends – Talking to her friends, particularly the less attractive ones, will have many advantages for you. Firstly it will bring out a competitive streak in her – and she’ll then want to try and pull you in order to beat her friends. Secondly it shows that you’re fun and sociable and that potentially, were you to go out, you’d be good at hanging out with her and her cronies. Thirdly it shows that you’re fun and not shallow or looking for only one thing. If you’re in a club, try dancing with the larger girls and it makes you suddenly appear fun loving and less threatening – you’d be surprised by how the hotter ones begin swarming around you (it’s much more attractive than the creepy guys who dance near girls in the hope that they’ll get noticed… does that ever work?!).

Listen and relax – In order for conversation to flow properly you really need to listen to what she’s saying. A lot of the time guys are so worried about what they’re going to say to keep the conversation going that they forget to listen and the conversation seems stilted. Remember, it’s not all about you and it’s just as much her job to talk as yours. Don’t feel the need to fill every silence.

Take it to the dance floor – If the conversation has gone well and you’ve done all the above then after the drink it’s time to move onto the dancefloor. Here it’s far easier to move in for the kill… good luck!

Mack LeMouse

Copyrighted material; do not reprint without permission.

 

View all articles by Mack LeMouse