Children get angry and irritated just like we adults do. Circumstances like a bullying classmate or teasing friends can make them frustrated, and since their communication skills are limited, they express their distress by yelling, hitting or biting. Often, parents and caregivers are overwhelmed by the negativity of it all and end up adding to the anger and frustration by venting their own feelings until the situation gets out of hand. Here are a few tips to help you calm an angry child.

• Keep your emotions under control. It will not help if you get angry along with your child. Your anger will be obvious in your body language and this is more than enough to scare your child away. Remind yourself that you just can’t get angry. Count until ten if you have to.

• Let your child talk. Give your child a chance to explain what triggered his emotional outburst and how he feels. Facing his feelings is new to him and may be a struggle at first but he can do it with your help. Once your child is able to label his feelings, he will be able to deal with them better. Once you know what triggered your child’s angry outburst, talk to him about how he can deal with it and ask him for his own suggestions and opinions.

• There is no use in giving a lecture. Your child will not listen to it or connect with you. If you have to make a point, do it in as few words as possible and do it only after your child has calmed down.

• Hold your child. Touching and holding your child will go a long way towards soothing him. Sometimes, angry children don’t want to be touched or held. If that is the case, let them have their own space but stay close by. Adult presence can be comforting to the child. Moreover, it will prevent another angry outburst.

• Point out unacceptable behavior to your child. For instance, if your child tends to raise his voice, tell him that speaking aloud or yelling is not acceptable in your home.

• Pay attention when your child is speaking. Sometimes, anger outbursts are a cry for attention. Your child needs to know that he has your attentions. Letting your child talk while you are working in the kitchen sends the message that his problems are not important.

• If your child walks away when you confront him, don’t back out. Follow him and tell him what you have to say. This is especially true for teens; they tend to show their resentment openly.

• With small children, changing their environment will help calm them soon. Their attention span is limited and they will quickly forget the situation that made them angry in the first place.

• Use physical restraint only when you have to. If your child goes on to push or hurt someone else, you have to step in and stop him but if you are at home, dragging him away from the scene of the outburst won’t help.

• Show your child that you love him and that you are there for him. Sometimes, an angry child just needs a reassurance of your love for him.

Mark Perry

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