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What Is Chemistry in Love Relationships

By Holly Brewer | Relationships | Rating:

Chemistry in relationships is something that we hear a lot about. When two stars on the screen in a film, then you will often read reviews that praise or criticise the film in terms of the chemistry or lack of chemistry they share. Likewise you might find yourself with a friend of the opposite sex hanging out in mutual company only for someone to comment on the chemistry you're exhibiting. This is taken to be a sign of a strong attraction between two people, of a sexual tension, or generally of a sign that a couple should be together.

But what is that chemistry? And how do you know if you've got it?

How to Know If You Have Chemistry

The first thing you can do to try and understand chemistry is to try and understand if you have it in your current relationship or if you have ever had it. If you have experienced chemistry then likely you will quite possibly be able to recognise it quite easily.

If you have chemistry with someone this will often be expressed as a kind of tension, and as a kind of mutual understanding and respect. You will find that you have no problem talking to the other person and feel at ease with them and that you can 'bounce off' of one another.

Essentially you have found someone who is on the same 'wavelength' as you, and this will then mean that you are completely at ease and able to criticise and have a go at one another without worrying too much about hurting each others' feelings, or the other person not understanding the real intent behind what you are saying. As you share the same train of thought a lot of the time then this will mean that you are both laughing a lot and shooting each other down in a playful way. They know you well so you won't be able to give them any 'bullshit' and they will Chances are that you will find being in their company particularly fun and entertaining, and this will mean you’re laughing a lot when you are together.

However at the same time being this similar to someone and finding such a kind of 'counterpoint' will also mean that you can be highly frustrating to each other – you both understand each others' flaws, and they know yours. As they will be very comfortable in your company they will also likely tell you a lot of the things you don't necessarily want to hear – but that will ultimately help you. Thus a relationship that has a lot of chemistry is very down to Earth and at times passionate and frustrating. It will have an 'edge' to it, and will not necessarily be that similar to the 'sweeter' and quieter relationships that can also be just as rewarding and loving in their own way.

What It Appears Like From the Outside

Seeing two people who have a chemistry between them will often be obvious as a form of sexual tension. At the same time though it might sometimes be misinterpreted as two people who are very angry at each other or who don't get on as they will be constantly criticising, bickering and nagging each other. If two people seem to be acting in some ways like an 'old married couple', yet nevertheless having a lot of fun with it, then this could well be two people who have a strong chemistry.

Another interesting point when it comes to chemistry is that you often see two people with a lot of chemistry who are nevertheless very different – perhaps from different backgrounds, perhaps with very different styles, or perhaps different races. Here they might well be obvious in all of the little ways, but nevertheless have some kind of deeper understanding and similarity where it really matters.

This article is about chemistry in romantic relationships, however that is far from the sole place you can find chemistry, and it is also very likely to exist between two friends or family members. For instance best friends often share a strong chemistry.

Some great examples of people with great chemistry from film and television are: Scarlet Johansen and Bill Murray in 'Lost in Translation', Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore in 'The Wedding Singer', Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr in 'Iron Man', Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry in 'Friends'.

How to Find Chemistry

Of course finding chemistry with someone is something we all want to achieve – we all want to have that kind of relationship that is film worthy and that causes others to comment on just what a great couple we are. However finding someone with whom you have an innate connection is not always easy and it's certainly not something that you can force too much.

That said if you don't have chemistry with someone you can often develop it and this is possible by spending long periods of time with them – if you want to act like an 'old married couple' then often the easiest way to achieve this kind of understanding is simply to be an old married couple – or at least partners. Going out with someone for a long enough period of time then is a quick way often to develop a connection and to more fully understand the person and so to get that kind of banter and understanding going. Likewise when you've known someone a very long time or lived together with them this can also help you to have a chemistry and a connection that's obvious for everyone from the outside.

However true chemistry is often something that you know pretty much right away when you've spent a few hours with someone – once you're past the initial awkwardness you'll often find yourself bouncing off the person and laughing more than you would normally with someone you'd just met. That right there is chemistry and unfortunately it's a rare thing.

To improve your odds of finding this then you should look at work, college or school as these are situations where you generally meet lots of people and get to interact with them. When you are forced to work together with someone as a group this is often a time when a real connection comes out and when you can have real fun and understanding. When you're asked to make a poster, input some data, prepare a speech or presentation... that's the time to look out for that connection.





Holly Brewer

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Comments
  • Comment #1 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    Very well said.
     
  • Comment #2 (Posted by Melva)
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    I enjoyed reading the all-round perspectives on chemistry. The article helped to broaden my scope of thinking what chemistry is by not only focusing on the sexual attraction and love chemistry but also friendships and working relationships.
     
  • Comment #3 (Posted by estavbroce@yahoo.com)
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    This is a great article, helps me a lot and to know how deep our chemistry is. Lots of thanks!
     
  • Comment #4 (Posted by Collette)
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    When a man and a woman have chemistry between them, it means they share a mutual high level of attraction that manifests itself in excitement in the presence of the other; or at the thought of the other. Paramount is the strong sexual attraction they have towards the other person that they do not typically feel with anyone else. It's almost like a magnetic attraction that they have towards one another; in a sense.

    When the chemistry is strong between two people, it usually is an attraction that they feel immediately upon meeting the other person - some people describe it as "love at first sight."

    However, it is not always true love; it could just be lust. But, the enormous attraction they feel towards each other is conducive towards moving forward into a close relationship - and a couple with chemistry usually has other common ground besides the sexual attraction.
     
  • Comment #5 (Posted by Paul)
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    My partner and I are not yet engaged and have been going together for 2 1/2 years now and reading this article made sense but my biggest concern is will we end up going our separate ways if the "old married couple" bickering gets more frequent?
     


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