When you’ve had some kind of romantic relationship with someone – whether it was a romance that never came into fruition or whether it was a relationship that broke down – you can sometimes feel that after being so close it seems like a terrible shame to then lose contact altogether and to no longer even be friends with them – and of course this is indeed a great shame and something that it’s much better to try and avoid.
The problem is of course that you will end up finding that being friends with someone when there has been any kind of romantic tension isn’t always easy – and it can put many people off as a result.
However, just because something isn’t right away very easy doesn’t mean it’s not something worth working for – in fact in the majority of cases the precise opposite that’s true. So how do you go about working towards being friends with that guy or girl after a relationship? Here we’ll have a look at what you can do.
Let Them Know Your Intentions
There will be that point when you break up or when you tell them you just can’t see the two of you together romantically and at this stage you should let them know that you very much want to remain friends (otherwise future communication could be taken the wrong way). Lots of people say this and don’t mean it, so make sure they know that you mean it.
Give Them Time
That said however you won’t find that you are able to become friends again right away as they may well have some issues that they need to work through first. If you have broken up under not-so-pleasant terms, then they might not even like you at first, so give them time for those wounds to heal and for them to start missing you again. Then your attempt to heal your friendship will be a lot more warmly received.
You might find that when you first re-establish contact that they don’t really give you much in return because they’re too upset, too hurt, or too embarrassed. You need to push through this initial objection and don’t take no for an answer. While you don’t want a harassment lawsuit on your hands or a restraining order, you can be playful with it and non threatening and just tell them firmly that you’re going to keep pestering them until they agree to be friends again.
If they won’t agree to let bygones be bygones then you should still have lots of mutual friends so it won’t be too hard to go to some kind of mutual event where you can’t help but ‘bump’ into them and force them to chat.
Work Through the Awkwardness
When two friends have snogged, or one has admitted their undying love for the other, then this can be something of a pink elephant in the room. This will create an awkward tension as both of you are skirting around the subject. The best way to deal with this then is to tackle it head on by talking about it and facing up to what happened. Ask them what it was they found attractive about you, or make a joke out of it and tease them. This way you will be more easily able to put it behind you and it will just be another colourful aspect of your friendship rather than this terrible thing that may not be named.
That said you should always be sensitive in this scenario and realise that they might still have feelings for you. That means not rubbing your future relationships in their face – they probably don’t want to hear. Likewise it means not flirting with them or blurring the boundary at all which could start the whole thing all over again.
Find Them a Partner
Now this bit isn’t easy and it’s not always possible, but if you can then the real ultimate way to make things all right again is to get them into a happy relationship of their own by introducing them to friends etc. If you’re going out with someone then you can even double date! This also helps to protect you from potential future difficulties with your new partners who might not feel comfortable with you hanging around a lot with a close single friend of the opposite sex who you used to have a ‘thing’ with.