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Steps to Stop Blaming Yourself

By Mark Thomas | Mental Health | Rating:

Many people live through their lives blaming themselves for just about everything that happens. We all go through life making mistakes but it is how you respond to these mistakes that will make a difference on the person you become. Learn how to move past blaming yourself so that you can continue on with your life as a better more experienced person.

Blame Versus Responsibility

It is first very important to understand the distinct difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility for your actions. When things go wrong, there are times when someone is to blame for the wrong that happened and sometimes things just happen that are not really anyone’s fault. Blame is usually a condemnation that someone has given whether for legitimate reasons or not. When being blamed for something, do not just accept that for fact but look at the circumstances around the situation.

When you accept responsibility for a wrong, you are saying that you are the cause for something to have happened. Responsibility is something that you can stand up and say you did, accept responsibility for it, make necessary amends and move on. For example, if you are going through a divorce you can take responsibility for the mistakes that you made, like lying, cheating or whatever but you are not the only one to blame for the marriage falling apart. Only accept responsibility for your part and not the blame for the whole thing.

Love Yourself

Above everything else, love yourself and stop be so hard on yourself. You have many things to offer and instead of focusing on how you are to blame for everything, you should focus on the positive. Make a list of all of the positive traits that you have and make the list long and detailed. Do not start thinking that there are no positives because everyone has good points just like everyone has bad points.

You can include on your list of attributes your personality trait, hobbies, things you like and things you are good at. You will be pleasantly surprise by how many things you were able to think of. Now you need to start focusing on these factors and not you blaming and criticizing yourself. Find a way to enhance some of your positive features and make them a more prominent part of your life.

Get Help for You

Self-esteem is one of those things that can eat away at you if you let it. Your poor self-image of yourself may have developed as a child but that does not mean that it has to live with you for the rest of your life. There are ways that you can learn to love yourself and learn to take responsibility and not continuously blame yourself for everything that happens. If you have allowed yourself to become very down and cannot seem to get over blaming yourself, it may be time to ask for help.

A good counselor can help you overcome some of these thoughts that you are having and help you learn to love yourself. You need to be able to move past all of the blame and come into a place where you are happy with who you are. We all make mistakes and blaming yourself does not help anything in the end. You can learn from your mistakes and move on and become a better person.

Help Others

Start putting your talents to good use and start helping others in need. If you are going to blame yourself for everything that happens then it is time to start blaming yourself for the good things too. Helping others will help you feel good about yourself and what you can do. It will help you focus on the positive things about yourself and not just the negative. It is also always good to be appreciated by people.

You can volunteer at a local soup kitchen, your church, homeless shelter, hospital or anywhere that you have special talents that can be put to good use. Once you start focusing on others and their problems, yours will not seem so bad. This may just be the cure to help you move past whatever situation you are working through. Blaming yourself will only work to bring you down and not help you grow as a person.

Do Not Be So Critical

If you are blaming yourself for everything that happens, it is likely that you are being way too critical on yourself and others. Try only worrying about the bigger issues and letting the smaller issues go and learn when things can be fixed and when it is time to just let it go. Oftentimes people who are judgmental of themselves are also very judgmental of others. This may not be how you want to come across but most likely it is exactly how people see you.

Sometimes people accept blame just to hear their friends tell them that it is not their fault. Do not worry so much about whose fault it is and worry more about what you can learn from the situation. Everyone makes mistakes, it does not matter how much some people pretend that they are perfect, we all make mistakes at times in our lives. Judging everyone for these mistakes is not the best use of your time.

Forgive Yourself and Others

Forgiveness is sometimes the hardest thing to offer someone and when it is ourselves that need to be forgiven it can be even more difficult. There is no way to move past a situation if there is no forgiveness. If you hang on to your own guilt and blame about a situation then that situation and everything involved with it stays with you too. All of that negative energy will start to pull you down and prevent you from moving on.

It may be easier to start forgiving other people before you are able to forgive yourself. It may seem like the impossible thing to do but when you really forgive someone for a wrong, especially yourself, it is like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. When you are able to forgive others then you will be able to forgive yourself and start loving yourself again.

Learn and Move On

Mistakes happen every day to everyone and if we all just continued to blame ourselves all of the time instead of moving on, we would have a very sad and depressed world. Since the mistake has already happened there is nothing you can do and no amount of blame is going to change that. You can make your amends whether that is saying you are sorry, repaying someone or any other solution and you can learn from the mistake so you do not do it again.

After this, all you can do is move on and live the rest of your life. Let the past stay in the past and start living for the future. The good news is that you have learned something from the mistake you made and you will be able to avoid it from happening again in the future. Blaming yourself will only work to bring you down and will not effectively solve any problem. Love yourself enough to forgive yourself and move on.





Mark Thomas

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Comments
  • Comment #1 (Posted by Jackie)
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    Thank you, this really helped me with feeling depressed.
     
  • Comment #2 (Posted by Dr Ajith)
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    Excellent write up.
     
  • Comment #3 (Posted by mystique)
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    Very helpful, thanks a lot.
     
  • Comment #4 (Posted by a Moreton)
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    Really helpful, thank you.
     
  • Comment #5 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    I really gained a lot
     
  • Comment #6 (Posted by an unknown user)
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    This article made me feel better about myself. I've been blaming myself for so many things and I really just needed to hear that it want my fault, and to stop being so critical of myself.
     
  • Comment #7 (Posted by musa)
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    It's excellent advice and I will try to use it when I feel down.
     


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