After the First Weeks

Temperament

Babies differ from each other in many ways. They may be big or small, fast growing or slow growing, early developers or late developers, brown-eyed or blue-eyed. One of the most important ways in which babies differ is in their temperament—the usual way they react to you, to other people, and to things around them. You will find it much easier to understand, to take care, to teach, and to enjoy your baby if you pay attention to his or her temperament.

There are at least nine ways in which young babies differ from each other in "temperamental characteristics." No one knows whether these characteristics or differences are inherited, whether they are formed when the baby is growing during pregnancy, or whether they develop in the first weeks of life. In any case, they are present in the first months of life, and you will want to understand how they affect your child.

Activity Level—How much does your baby move around? When in bed, does your baby wiggle all over the crib or stay in the same place? When you change a diaper or put on a shirt, do you have trouble because of constant wiggling or does your baby lie quietly and let you change the diaper?

Normal babies may be very active or very inactive. Your job in caring for a very active baby will be very different from caring for a very inactive one. If you believe that all babies should be active, you may be disappointed or frustrated by an inactive baby. If you think all babies should stay still while being dressed or bathed, you may think that an active baby is bad or that all the activity is due to your improper care. Don't blame yourself or the baby. It is just the way some babies are made!

If your baby is super-active, you may just want to enjoy this or you may want to behave in a more soothing and gentle way so as to encourage your infant to slow down a little. If your baby is very inactive, you may want to take more initiative in playing, moving about, and rewarding activities that are self-started.

Regularity—How regular are your baby's habits? Does your baby always awaken at the same time, get hungry at the same time, take naps and nurse at about the same time? Does your baby eat and drink about the same amount at the morning feeding each day? Does this vary slightly each day or is it completely unpredictable?

If your infant is very regular, your job is usually quite easy. If your baby is very irregular, you will have to be prepared for daily changes! Or you may have to do more scheduling rather than letting the infant take the initiative to find a comfortable schedule. Of course, you can't feed an infant who isn't hungry, or force sleep on an infant who isn't really tired. But you can feed before your child cries of real hunger, and you can put the baby down for a quiet time or for sleep even though your infant isn't especially tired.

Adaptability—How long does it take your baby to get used to new situations or to changes? When you changed from sponge bathing to a bath, was it accepted immediately, or did it take 6 or 7 tries before it was really accepted? If you offer a new food or toy, does your baby take it promptly or does it take many trials before the food is eaten or the toy is played with? If your baby fusses the first time you put a cap on his or her head, is there an objection every time you try, or is it accepted very quickly?

High or low "adaptability" is neither good nor bad. The child who resists change may take longer to teach. But, once taught, such a child won't change every time a slightly different situation comes along.

Approach or Withdrawal—How does your baby usually react the first time to new people, new foods, new toys and new activities? Does your baby reach out for them and seem pleased, or shy away and fuss? Approach and withdrawal differ from adaptability in that they describe a baby's first reaction to something new rather than the length of time or number of tries it takes to get used to it.

A baby who immediately reaches out for something seems easier to deal with at first. But a baby who withdraws slightly from a new situation may be much easier to keep out of trouble and danger when a little older. Again, neither characteristic is good nor bad, but they do require different handling.

Threshold Level of Sensitivity—Is your baby very aware of slight noises or slight differences in temperature, in tastes, or in different types of clothing? Some babies, for example, wake up at the slightest noise while others sleep through anything. Do bright lights or sunlight make your child blink or cry? If your child doesn't like a new food, does he or she notice when you mix a little of it with an old food that is liked? Does your baby let you know every time the diapers are wet, or ignore wet diapers?

Very high sensitivity may make your job more difficult at first, but a child who notices small differences may learn some things faster or more easily at a later age.

Extreme insensitivity to sounds may be caused by deafness, not temperament. You should certainly mention such insensitivity to your doctor.

Intensity of Reaction—How strong or violent are your child's reactions when pleased or displeased? When pleased, some children laugh and wiggle all over, while others just smile. When displeased, some children scream loudly, while others frown and fuss quietly. If they don't like a new food, some children will hit the spoon away, spit out the food, and cry, while others will just turn their faces away. How does your child react?

If your baby reacts very strongly and intensely, you will want to teach him or her that all that loudness and activity aren't necessary to get what is wanted. Don't let an intense child learn that you only pay attention when reactions are very strong. Such a child's active way of showing pleasure will make up for some of the loud crying when showing disappointment.

Distractability—How likely is your baby to turn attention away from what he or she is doing to something new? Some children will keep on sucking—no matter what happens—during a feeding. Others will stop and pay attention to a door opening or someone entering the room. A toy will keep some hungry babies quiet for several minutes; others will keep demanding to be fed. Some will turn to any new sound or sight while they are busy playing; others will continue to play.

You may want to nurse in a quiet place if your child is distractable, and to give just one or two toys at any one time. If your infant is not at all distractable, you may have to be very firm when you want your infant to change from one activity to another.

Positive or Negative Mood—How much of the time does your baby show friendly, pleasant, joyful behavior as compared to unpleasant crying, fussy or unfriendly behavior? This means not just the first reaction to new situations, or to the times of actual hunger or discomfort—it means the way your baby is during most of the day. Your baby's mood may be expressed quietly with a frown or a whimper, or with a smile and a twinkling eye. Or it may be a loud scream or a deep laugh.

A baby with a negative mood is much harder for anyone to deal with. You will have to realize that the few bright spots in the baby's day mean you are doing a lot of things the right way. You must remember that the baby's general unpleasantness does not necessarily mean that you are doing something wrong. Such an infant may wear you out very quickly. You may need more recreation and more time away from the baby. You will have to learn to ignore some of the crying and fussing once you have made sure the child really doesn't need anything at the moment and has no reason to be uncomfortable.

Attention Span and Persistence—How long will your baby stick with something? Some continue to try difficult tasks, even if you try to stop the activity. Others give up quickly.

Some will keep watching something above the crib for 10 or 15 minutes; others turn to something else after a few minutes. Attention span and persistence mean how long babies stick with something on their own, not how easy it is to distract them with something new or different.

You will be pleased when your child persists in doing things you like, and unhappy when he or she persists in doing things that upset you. You will want to be firm and patient and use distraction to get a persistent child to change activities. You will want to encourage and praise a non-persistent child for sticking with a useful activity.

If you pay attention to how your child measures up in each of these traits, you will be better able to give your child the kind of help that is most needed. And you will be much more certain that what you are doing is right.

"Difficult" Babies

While no single trait of temperament makes a baby difficult, babies with certain combinations of traits are certainly much harder to care for. If you have such a child, it may be a great comfort to know that you really have a much harder job than most other parents.

A baby with a combination of irregularity, withdrawal from new situations, slow adapatability, negative mood and intense reactions will be very hard to care for indeed. You will need a great deal of patience. You will have to be firm and willing to be firm not just once, but many times one after another. You will need more time away from your infant and more help from your husband and others. Such a baby will especially need your signs of approval and affection at those times when he or she is comfortable and "cooperative." But even such a difficult baby will learn to be less difficult, and as this happens you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have performed a very difficult job in a very skillful way. And you will have saved your baby from a lot of trouble in later life!

Jeff Beaumont

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