Leaving the Baby

You need some rest from your baby and babies have to learn that others can care for them. Plan to get out without your baby for at least several hours a week after the first month.

Babysitters—Select the person with care. Relatives, neighbors and friends—all can be great—or terrible. You want someone who really cares about your baby and whom you can trust. You will want the sitter to be healthy. Get to know the sitter by inviting him or her for a brief stay while you are home. Show where things are, how you care for the baby and tell what you expect. Observe feeding and diapering to see whether the sitter seems to know and care about what he or she is doing.

• Whoever is left to care for your baby, even for a brief time, should know:
• Where you can be reached;
• Telephone numbers of your doctor, fire department and police;
• The name and telephone number of a responsible relative or friend who can be called if you can't be reached;
• Details about your house—how to regulate heat, how to lock and open doors, etc.;
• What and when to feed the baby; and
• When you will return.

Crying When You Leave—Up to the age of 5 to 7 months, babies usually accept care from anyone. After that they may take some time to get used to a stranger and may scream when the parents leave. Give your baby and sitter some time together before you leave and use the same one or two babysitters as much as possible. But don't be fooled by screams—your baby will probably be happy within 5 minutes. Babies have to learn that they can trust their parents to come back and they can only learn this trust if parents do leave and do come back.

Full-Time Babysitting and Child Care*—Many mothers return to full-time or part-time work after the baby is born. Most mothers will want to wait at least 3 months before returning to full-time work; many will want to wait longer.

Every mother should carefully consider whether the money and satisfaction she gets for returning to work is worth the cost to her and to her family. Good child care is always expensive, and poor child care causes a great deal of trouble and worry for the mother and can be dangerous for the baby. Most mothers find caring for their own children enjoyable and rewarding. Add up the total cost of child care, transportation, meals, extra clothing you will need if you return to work and subtract this from the take-home pay you will receive. Then decide whether you really want to work for this amount.

There are many ways to arrange babysitting or child care:

• Someone may care for your child in your own home, such as a relative, a maid or housekeeper.
• Someone may care for your child in their home—foster day care or home day care.
• Your child may be cared for in a center designed and staffed especially for the care of children—a day care center.

A trusted friend or relative is often the best babysitter. Housekeepers or maids are expensive. At a minimum wage (1979) such care would cost at least $5,500 to $6,000 a year. Even at this cost, it might be the least expensive form of child care if you have several children requiring care. You have complete control and responsibility for the kind of care your child receives. Supervising and training such a maid or housekeeper will require a good amount of your time and effort.

Leaving your child in another person's home is often the least expensive form of child care, usually costing about $25 to $30 a week, or about $1,300 a year per child. You have very little to say about how such a person takes care of your child, so you must choose very carefully and visit frequently to be sure that your baby is getting the kind of care you want. If at all possible, choose a home that is licensed by a health or welfare department and which is part of a day care association which trains and supervises the day care "provider" and makes sure the home is safe.

Day care centers for infants are available in many cities, towns and military bases. Some are very good but many of them are, at the present time, very bad. Good centers are expensive—usually costing $30 to $60 a week per child. Sometimes part of this cost is covered by a church, industry, or other sponsor, so the actual charges to parents can be less.

Checklist for Judging a Day Care Home or Center

1. Does the person caring for the children really care about your child as an individual?
2. Is there at least one person to care for each 4 to 5 children at all times of the day (including the day care "provider's" own children)?
3. Does the caregiver treat each child as his or her own—talking to each child while bathing or changing the diaper, holding each child when feeding, "teaching" and paying attention to each child's temperament and development?
4. Is the home or center safe and healthful, with room for children's play and care, fresh air, reasonable cleanliness and free of safety and accident hazards?
5. Are your suggestions for the care of your child welcomed and listened to?
6. Do the caregivers and children seem to be happy, alert and enjoying themselves?
7. Are you welcome to visit at any time, with or without telling in advance that you are coming?
8. Has the caregiver had a medical examination to show that he or she has no disease that your child could catch and is strong and healthy enough to care for children?
9. Is there a telephone which the caregiver can use to reach you or to call for help in an emergency?

*"A Parent's Guide to Day Care," DHHS Publication No. (OHDS) 80-30254, is available free by writing to: LSDS, Department 76, Washington, D.C. 20401.