After the dust has settled on a break up, there’s often a good chance that exes can develop feelings for their old partners. This is particularly likely in cases where the break up was mutual and amicable, or where that person was dumped rather than being the dumpee. In some cases relationships can end with no real closure, and in these instances it becomes even more likely once again that they might end up wanting to get back together.
If this is the case then there are certain signs to look out for. The first obviously is that they get back in touch. If they still haven’t contacted you since the break up then there’s only a small chance they still harbour feelings, and if they do they don’t intend to act on them and you won’t have any clues to that effect. However simply getting back in contact isn’t a definite sign they have romantic feelings, but could also be a show of friendship or that there are no hard feelings, or simply that they want to be friends again. During a relationship it’s of course normal to become very familiar with each other and very fond. After a break up then you tend to go from knowing everything about a person and talking to them every day, to suddenly not knowing anything at all and having zero contact. It’s normal to expect to have some curiosity for what’s going on in an ex’s life at this point then and it’s normal to feel fondly towards the other party even if you no longer have romantic feelings.
Once they get in touch however, it’s how they go about their subsequent communication that can help you get an idea of their intentions. If they just message you on your birthday for example, then this is completely normal behaviour. If they message you on your old anniversary however, then this might indicate they still have a flame burning. Another obvious sign is that they ask if you’re currently single – chances were that if they weren’t interested then they wouldn’t want to risk giving you the wrong impression by asking about your romantic life (although it can also be a nice way occasionally to check up on an old flame to make sure they’re happy now). You might also find out that they’ve been asking your friends about you, which can either be a sign that they want to find out if you’re available, or again that they’re trying to see if you’re alright. Here the main factor to consider is the temporal aspect – if they’re asking a few months after your breakup they might just be checking in, if it’s a few years they might have suddenly realised they still have feelings for you.
Another clue can be in the timing of the contact, the most obvious sign of interest being if they start contacting you again as soon as you become single (which they’ll probably know about from Facebook or through mutual contacts if you still have any). Of course another thing to look into is whether or not they have just become single again, as this can be a good sign that they are again on the market and thought of you. How kind… Of course if they know that you’re not single, or if they’re recently entered into a relationship or been in one for a long time, then this might suggest the opposite (though how their partner will feel about the idea of them re-opening the lines of communication is another matter). If they ask to meet up this too can be a curious sign that they might have romantic intentions. Here again they might just want a catch up, but in most cases if a fair amount of time has passed it can suggest that they have other intentions. However if you were once good friends with your ex, either before or after your relationship, this again can further complicate matters and could again provide a reason for them to want to meet up other than to get back together.
In many cases then, the best thing to do is to think back to when you were dating your ex and try to remember what they were like as a person and what your relationship was like. As mentioned, if you were friends then a renewal of contact could be aimed at rekindling a friendship. On the other hand if your relationship was similar to that of close friends’ then they’d have reason to want to be friends once again. Think about their personality and your relationship – can you see them wanting to get back together genuinely? Look at what you know about the person, their personality, and think of any motives they might have for wanting to meet up or get back in contact. If you can’t think of any, then the obvious answer might in this case be the correct one.