Body language is an incredibly expressive form of communication that has the interesting habit of often becoming even more expressive when we are trying to hide something. Freud said that no matter how hard we try to hide something from others and even ourselves, our body and our gestures will always give it away.
When it comes to having a crush/fancying someone, this is actually even more the case as that is a pretty strong emotion to hide. This makes it possible to get a good idea from someone’s body language as to whether or not they might be interested in you. However it is also important to remember that this is by no means a 100% effective technique, and that it is more a clue than it is evidence. At the same time, as with all body language you need to be aware that this is all ‘context sensitive’ and that that means you need to be very careful when assessing it.
By context sensitive is meant that should someone fold their arms, it can mean they are not interested in your or are guarded – but that if it is cold then they just may be keeping warm. Here the context changes the meaning of the body language and so you need to be careful.
That said there are some fairly common signs that someone is interested in you which you can use as a good indicator. For example if they touch you more than necessary then this is one well known sign. Here a girl will put her hand on your arm to ask you a question, or ‘bat’ you away when they make you laugh. Similarly they will be more likely to lean forwards towards you when you speak, or cock their head to one side to show interest. At the same time one of their feet might point in your direction the way they are sitting or standing, or they might have their leg crossed and pointing towards you. If they are subconsciously mimicking your position and gestures then that means you have a ‘rapport’ and this again suggests they are least enraptured in what you are saying (which is a good start and definitely preferable to them being uninterested). In general all the signs that they are interested in you could be signs that they are interested in you. The trick is not to second guess too much and to have confidence in yourself – if they seem interested, maybe they are.
Of course they might just like you and be interested in what you are saying. At the same time they might be acting flirtatious as many girls do this without necessarily being interested – just for fun or because they like the attention or because they are ‘naturally very friendly’ (a good excuse for a lot of flirty girls). Other signs then that work on a more subtle basis can be a good measure of what they are really feeling. For example it is a well known concept that when fancy someone our pupils tend to dilate – that is they get bigger, presumably because it makes us look cuter and thereby produces more hormones in the other person. However this is again context sensitive as it can occur in the dark. Similarly blushing can be sign of attraction, but this can occur if she is just hot, embarrassed, or experiencing a different range of hormones for other reasons…
Signs of a more sexual nature can provide clues that they are being more than just friendly, though it still does not rule out the idea of casual flirting. This involves things like playing with the hair, stroking their own leg, sliding their shoe on and off, biting their lips and exposing their neck and their wrists.
Normally you get a good idea whether someone is interested by the way they act towards you, but most of us do not consider this enough evidence to act on. You have probably missed out on many good opportunities in your time already. To over come this you need to just have confidence that the signs are accurate and make a move. And if she was just being very flirty then you can not be blamed for making the mistake and your only penance will be a few moments of awkwardness.
However a good backup plan is to try and test the water first by seeing how she responds to your own body language. Move in closer, try putting your hand on her arm, and maintain eye contact for longer than usual. If after a long period of gazing neither of you breaks away then you can legitimately go in for a kiss (and this is far smoother than the arm around the back technique which is awkward and uncomfortable for everyone). Another test is to make eye contact, then look her up and down to show you are checking her out and you approve, and then look her in the eye again. This is obvious without committing yourself and you can then see what she does with her body language from there.
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