Phobias Can Be a Man's Best Friend


Sick and tired of being nagged by the other half? ‘So and so’s husband cuts grass,’or, ‘Why do not you ever cook the dinner?’ Sound wearingly familiar?

Well, think logically – there is an effective way around this. For a simple way to a nag-free life all you need to do is develop a few phobias.

There is, today, a phobia related to everything. So develop one – or two, or three, – directly related to the subject of her nagging, and your time is your own. Xbox unlimited. When she starts, simply release your phobia, sit her down in front of an internet site related to phobia’s and, like the flick of a switch, your life’s your own again. Here are a few scenarios to get you started.

Cooking – some men enjoy it, most men do not. If you are in the majority then, Mageirocophobia is a god send, the fear of cooking. Just the thought of it makes you feel physically sick. Definitely one to have all the time.

Quite happy with your life? Do not want it to be thrown upside down by the patter of tiny feet? Inevitably, of course, she does. Not to worry, simply develop, Pedophobia – the fear of children. Really give this one substance by, tensing up, in public, every time you see someone under the age of 16.

It is Sunday, you have worked all week, footballs on. Are you allowed to chill out? Of course not – unbeknown to you she would arranged a trip to a country house – the one with the biggest country garden to really bore you silly. In this case, Kopophobia’s your man – fear of fatigue. She can still go – it’d be a shame to cancel the plans after all. Watertight, you can call the lads and find out where the beer and footballs on. Even better, with her out, you can invite them round your gaff.

Picture this – she would been out with the girls, she would drunk, horny and all over you. All you want to do is go to bed and leave her on the sofa to sleep it off. Well, with Eurotophobia, you can – fear of female genetallia. Definitely not one to have all the time – you do not want to shoot yourself in the foot.

Nagging, it is like a pesky fly that, no matter how cunning you are, you just can not swat it. It can become incessant and, of course, women thrive on it. In fact, it can even drive a man to suicide. You will be comforted to know, then, that there is not one, but two phobia’s for this one. Logophobia – the fear of words, or, Laliophobia – the fear of speaking. Simply choose whichever one suits you best at the time.

The next one applies to many an irritating scenario. Frigophobia – you are utterly filled with dread at the thought of anything cold. The fridge, the freezer, venturing more than five meters from the fire in winter, you get the picture. But, what about cold beer you ask? Well, there’s a difference between chilled and cold, you know. And do not forget, because you are scared of the fridge, she has to get the beer – or anything else in it, for that matter, as well.

Wedding Bells – pound signs flashing in front of the eyes – if her and the mother in law have their way, thousands of them. Total and utter loss of freedom. It is bound to make any man anxious. However, no need to fret, simply nip it in the bud with Gamophobia – fear of marriage. This, of course, does get easier to deal with over time, but that exact length of time does depend on the sufferer. So keep this one for as long as it takes to train her.

Finally, and inevitably in some cases, you get to the point where the constant bleating and fussing become deafening. A desperate situation, but, on occasion, even the best of us get there. Time to use the secret weapon – Panophobia – fear of everything. The badboy of all phobias but be warned; very difficult to pull off. Once you have mastered it though, rest assured all your time will be your own. For as long as you see fit.

So next time you see someone tense up at the thought of a phobia, just smile to yourself, and think of the pleasure you get from your own.

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Mark Thomas

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