When It’s Time to Say Good Bye – The Many Phases of a Break Up

Relationships can be very challenging and none of them are without their problems from time to time. Every couple experiences some sort of disagreements or arguments, but even when it becomes clear that there are irreconcilable differences, it can be very hard to let go. Because of this many couples stay in loveless relationships and hold on to something that has been gone for some time. Other times there is love in the relationship but there are just issues that are too big. In either case, it can be very difficult to take that final step or say that final goodbye. In fact, sometimes it is so hard that one or the other feels as if their whole world has collapsed and that there is no hope. You’ve heard it said that sometimes love just isn’t enough. When this becomes a reality in your life, there are things you will have to go through and feelings you will have to feel.

The First Days Are the Hardest

The first days and weeks after a break up can be absolutely heart wrenching, especially if you have been living with the person for a long period of time. When you have built your entire existence around someone, it is perfectly natural to feel as though life as you know it is over once that person is gone. In fact, there is some truth to that. Life as you know it is over and you will have to move on. The problem is how? You can’t eat, sleep or even breathe without the person you are missing. Everything you do reminds you of him/her. You find yourself flinching any time you hear a song come on the radio that reminds you of your ex.

In fact, during the first few days or weeks you may not even want to get out of bed. Just know that you are not alone and that contrary to what you may believe right now, this too shall pass. As time goes by, this will become easier, slowly but surely. Don’t beat yourself up about feeling weak during this time. This is your period of grievance and you are entitled to it. Take some time to feel what you are feeling and in your own time you will begin to pass through this initial phase of the break up. Each person is different and for some this period can last as long as several months, for others it can end in a matter of weeks. Whatever the case, don’t push yourself.

The Mourning Period Is Over

Once you have allowed yourself a sufficient amount of time to grieve the loss of your relationship you will naturally begin to feel ready to get out into the world. Sometimes your friends or family will help you get to this point much sooner by pushing you to go out with them. Perhaps they will even try and set you up on a blind date. Try to keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with treating yourself to a night out on the town. After all, you won’t feel any worse than you would if you were sitting home on the sofa with a tub of ice cream, feeling sorry for yourself.

There is life after every relationship, even if you don’t believe it right now. This is not to say you should be out there looking for your next relationship just yet but it certainly is your right to have a nice time. Maybe a little bit of attention from a member of the opposite sex is just what you need. With that being said, get out of the house and meet people. You can’t just hide under a rock forever. Remember, we already gave you ample time to sit home and have your pity party. Now it’s time to go about the business of getting on with your life.

The Clouds Begin to Fade

By now you have begun to put one foot in front of the other. Perhaps you have even met some new friends or started a new hobby. You may not find yourself thinking about your ex more than a couple hundred times a day at this point. Don’t worry, it’s progress! Rome wasn’t built in a day. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself smiling, and not just because someone said something funny or because you are being polite, but because you want to. On this day you will know that the hardest part is almost over. Sure you will have bad days and there will be times when you think you want to give up but hold on. You have nearly made it through the worst of the storm.

This is the period of a break up where you begin to make the transition from totally miserable to just a little but miserable. During this time you will find that when you are alone you will feel the worst, for this reason try not to spend too much time alone. This doesn’t mean you should go out and shack up with every person you meet just to keep you from being lonely, but it does mean you should spend as much time as possible doing sociable things. There is nothing more dangerous than too much time to sit and get lost in your thoughts and memories. Don’t worry, your memories aren’t going anywhere but perhaps now isn’t the best time to be dwelling on them.

Before you know it life will begin to become normal again. You will have gotten used to new routines and you will have begun to fill some of those holes in your day that existed in the beginning, when the break up was still fresh. They say that time heals all wounds and this isn’t just some useless cliché. While it may seem like such an empty thing to say to someone who has just lost the “love of their life”, the person saying it is usually someone who has been through the very thing you are going through. Unfortunately, we all have, at one point or another. Just remember to keep your chin up, be strong, and remember, you won’t feel this way forever. There is light at the end of every tunnel.



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