Some people seek things outside of themselves in order to make them happy, whether it is drugs or alcohol, or even another human being. This is a great temporary fix but it almost always results in a major let down. No one can validate you but you. There is nothing outside of you that can bring you the happiness you deserve. Unfortunately, for many people this lesson comes much too late in life, or not at all. There is a fine line between what we know as happiness and neediness. If you need an outside source to make you happy, you have a lot to learn about yourself and life.
Who Am I Without My Partner?
Do you know the answer to this question? Are you alright with spending time on your own, doing things which make you happy? If your entire existence revolves around your partner, what will you do when he/she is gone? If you don’t have your own interests, or are not happy unless you are being validated by your partner, you may want to change that. Remember that you are not alone. There are millions of people who find themselves in this very rut and have no idea how to fix it. The first thing you need to do is establish some time to spend by yourself. Enroll in a class or find a hobby. You need to create your own identity, independent of your lover. By doing this you will build a solid foundation for yourself, apart from him/her. In turn, should something happen with your relationship you will be able to stand on your own two feet.
You Are an Individual
Perhaps you have not been able to find anything which makes you happy, such as a hobby or other interest. Maybe you are so wrapped up in your significant other that your vision is clouded. The truth is; if you search within yourself you will find all the answers you need. There are things you like to do. Maybe it has been a long time since you considered those things. It is so easy to build your life around another person and their needs. In doing so we can lose ourselves and forget who we are and what defines us. Your partner does not make you who you are. You are unique, with your own set of wants, needs and desires. If you don’t figure out what those things are, you will be left empty should you lose this person you have become so dependent on. It is not healthy to put all your eggs in one basket. This may sound like an old cliché but it is true. Your partner is not your life and while it is a wonderful thing to share your life with another, it is not alright to become so enmeshed with someone that you lose yourself in the process.
A Word About Escapism
Not only are some people prone to searching for happiness in their partners but there are some people who need to escape their reality. They use things like drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling and even relationships to keep them content. The problem with this theory is that no matter what you do, you always wake up with one person, and that person is you. Escaping problems is not a solution to fixing whatever emotional ills you may be suffering. Nothing changes when you get your “fix”, you only prolong the inevitable. Whatever it is that is causing you to seek happiness from these destructive or expensive means will be there when you straighten up. It is very easy to push our problems to the back burner and go on wild and crazy adventures. The trouble is the problems you ran from in the first place may only amplify with time. Escaping is never a valid solution to any problem. Face the music and deal with whatever it is you are running from. Only then will you find happiness from within yourself and not from an outside distraction.
There Is a Solution
If any of the above sounds frighteningly familiar, you are on the right track. Admitting there is a problem is half the battle. Make a commitment to seek help. In some cases you may only need to change a few things in order to get yourself on the right path. In other, more serious cases, such as drug addiction, you may need to seek professional help. Whatever the situation is, now is the time to make the change you so desperately need. Happiness is something which you must find within yourself. Stop looking for false gratification and start living your life. Leave anything that is harmful to you in the dust, so to speak. Try to envision yourself living a serene and healthy life, free of habits which bring you down. Start writing a journal about your life and spend some quality time alone with the one person who has the answers you are looking for, you.
Know that your problems are not uncommon. While each person is unique with a unique set of issues, the basic premise is the same for many. There are support groups out there for people who have lost their way. By finding a common ground with others who have struggled with the ability to find happiness, you can learn some of the things they have done to begin their own journey and healing process. Life is not easy for any of us and we all struggle each day. But if you find that you are sad most of the time or that you need something external to make you happy, it’s time to find yourself and let the sun shine through the clouds.