Being married can be blissful in so many ways. Snuggling up in bed with the person you love every morning and possibly having your children snuggling at the end of the bed with you can be the warmest and most comfortable feeling that we can get anywhere. At the same time being married is sexy – that person is entirely yours, bound to you, and can experiment sexually in so many more ways. A lot of what may have held you back when you just dating will likely no longer be a problem as you have completely given yourselves to each other physically and mentally.
However, while all this is no-doubt true, you are likely to still find yourself in whimsical moments of reserve or of yearning when you think about the other women or men that were once in your life. However perfect your relationship is, sometimes other people can offer something different, and sometimes no matter who you are – different can be a good thing as it keeps like interesting. At the same time it’s all too easy to fall into a routine in a married relationship where you become little more than cohabitants and parents, and where the spark and the excitement of your relationship is gone. When you see a young and sexy couple it can sometimes be hard not to get jealous. And to stare…
Getting Out of Your Routine
This needn’t be the case however, and if that describes your marriage then it’s only because you let it. It takes two to tango, and it’s likely the case that your partner is also partly to blame, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t turn things around and start getting back some excitement and some fire in your relationship and busting out of a boring routine.
The first thing to do is to start getting a little more extravagant. Stop living ‘safe’ and saving money and time, and instead start to live a little. If you have this kind of attitude and seize opportunities when they arrive such as going on spontaneous trips or checking out the fun fair that’s opened up in the middle of town, then you’ll likely find that you start to enjoy life more again – and by doing these things together you create shared experiences and become more like real ‘partner’s who are experiencing life together as a team. Studies have shown that if you act spontaneously and spend money you shouldn’t that you will be more likely to look back on your life favourably than if you live safely and save it for a rainy day.
The problem with spontaneity and ‘mixing it up’ is that it can sometimes fell quite forced and quite textbook if you do all the usual things like going out for a meal or wearing a wig in the bedroom. This can feel arbitrary and not particularly romantic. Instead then your branching out needs to reflect you both as a couple – you need to do things that you and she will enjoy and that are different from everyone else. Perhaps this will be a road trip, or perhaps it will mean you try feeding each other with the lights off. Either way make it unique to just the two of you and genuine, and try to be creative with how you spice things up.
Keep Things Fresh in Every Area
At the same time it’s not just the bedroom where you need to spice things up, or just in your activities. Make everything a bit different – try wearing clothes you wouldn’t normally do, and try attending a club together or something. Make changes in your own individual life as well as a couple and it will bleed into your romantic life. If you’ve ‘stagnated’ somewhat as a couple then you’ve likely stagnated as individuals too, so try new things yourself.
At the same time as tweaking the little things though, it might be that you can really benefit from tweaking something huge. If things seem to be stagnating maybe it’s time to take the relationship to another level by introducing a child for example. Or perhaps just moving house could create a new adventure for you, and by changing your surroundings you can make everything fresh and new.
Sometimes your relationship goes into auto-pilot when the stresses of daily living take over and you start to get concerned about money and children instead of spending quality time together. You might be in the same room and in the same conversation, but perhaps your mind is wandering elsewhere. If that’s the case then of course your romance will lack excitement – you’re running it unconsciously. Make sure then to try and forget the daily worries you normally struggle with and to focus on your relationship a bit.
You also have to be a bit independent. It’s important to make sure you keep doing things on your own as well as a couple. The reason for this is that it will mean you don’t know everything about the other person so that you have things to talk about still. At the same time it will mean that you get some time apart and during this time you will hopefully start to miss your other half. You know what they say – absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Appreciate What You Have
At the same time though, try to learn to appreciate what you’ve got in your relationship and maybe try to alter your perception a little. When you see someone in the street who’s dressing sexily, or when you meet someone a bit flirty you might think that you wish your partner acted more that way. However the reality is, that while this is nice as a one off and seems sexy, you actually probably wouldn’t be with your partner if they were more like that. The grass always seems greener on the other side, and if you changed your partner too much you’d probably find you lost what made you attracted to them in the first place.
Try not to let your mind wander like that then and instead try to remember what it is you find uniquely sexy and exciting about your partner – try to imagine seeing them for the first time and taking a step back to appreciate what you have. Look at the stares you get when you’re happy together in public, and try to look at them through fresh eyes. The truth is that we don’t really know what we want, and you would likely miss your situation – exactly as it is right now – if it were to go. Spice things up by remembering that spark is there, not by changing your whole dynamic.