How to Stop Being a Nice Guy

Unfortunately, good guys get looked down in our society and often despite being extra nice, they don’t get the girl. If you have been labeled as a “nice guy”, you probably understand this all too well. Chances are that there has been a girl or two that has caught your eye and the two of you quickly hit it off. You thought things were going good, she would call you, talk to you about anything, you would do stuff together but she ended up dating the bad guy. Why not you? I am sure you have heard this before – she just wants to be friends.

How do you get the girls to look past your “nice guy” stereotype and see you for the person you are? Do you have to turn into that bad guy, the kind you hate, just to get the girl? Well, there is good news because there is a way that you can stay true to who you are and still get the girl. Girls just want to know that you will take care of them. These tips will help you not be too nice of a guy that you turn the girls away.

Stop Being a People Pleaser

You may want to be a nice guy but you need to stop trying to please everyone. First of all, it is not even possible to please everyone all of the time. Second, the only person you can truly make happy is yourself. Third, it takes a lot of time and energy to try to make so many people happy. What happens a lot of times is that you spend so much time trying to please everyone else, you leave yourself unhappy and no one wants to date someone who is unhappy. Women want a guy who they can have fun with and they want a guy that will want them to feel happy, not everyone else around them.

If you have been a people pleaser your whole life, this is going to be pretty difficult at first. You have learned to associate your self-image by how happy you make other people. Reality is you have to make yourself happy, so start doing things that you like to do. Go out and have fun. Join a club or pick up a hobby that you enjoy doing, anything that gets you around other people and having fun. A bonus will be that you may find just the right woman there who shares your interests.

Gain Self – Confidence

Nice guys usually lack self confidence or at least they give off the impression that they are not confident. This is a big turn off for women because they like their men to be sure of themselves and to know what they want. Most women think that if a guy is confident then they will take better care of them. The trick here is to be confident but not arrogant, meaning that you want to be sure of yourself and who you are but not so much that you look down on other people.

Self-confidence is a healthy characteristic to have, so gaining the right amount of confidence will not only help you get the girl but it will help you become a better person. Confidence is something you can build upon over time, you will quickly see that once you start gaining some confidence you will instantly start feeling better about yourself. Some tips to help you start to gain confidence are to be assertive, don’t sit back from a situation but approach it head on and handle it, speak up and give your opinion about things and don’t avoid conflict just work through it when it happens. Remember that confidence is the number one trait that women look for, so the more things you can do to build your confidence the sooner you will get the girls.

Learn to Be Assertive

Learn to stand up for yourself and be more assertive. Do not just agree with everyone else, you have an opinion and you should learn to express it. A great way to let your girl know that you are assertive is to plan the entire evening out. You can ask her what she wants to do but if she says I don’t care than this is your cue to step in and make the decisions. Women like to have things done for them and they appreciate it when the guy takes over and makes the decision. What may seem aggressive and pushy to you actually makes the woman feel like she is being well taken care of.

Learn to Say No

Learning to say no is an attribute that many of us need to learn. We tend to stretch ourselves too thin by trying to do everything that people ask us to. The problem is that often we do not leave the right amount of time for ourselves much less our girls. Every woman wants to feel doted upon; they want to feel like they are special. If you tie your time up with so many different obligations, you will not leave enough time for that special girl. This can leave her feeling unimportant. You may need to cancel some of those obligations so that you will be more available to be there with your girl.

Be Patient and Practice

Don’t expect to lose your “nice guy” reputation overnight because this process is going to take time and commitment. You have been too nice of a guy for a long time so it is going to take a while to train your brain to look at things differently. You must be patient and just keep practicing and no matter how tough it gets don’t give up. If you have a bad date and slip up and forget to use some of these tips, don’t worry about it. Just learn from the experience and pick yourself up and try again. The only way we can learn how to do new things are to practice them. So get out there and practice, practice, practice.

Continue to Be Yourself

Gaining confidence and learning to be good to yourself are good attributes to have and they will help you attract more women but in the process don’t forget who you are. It’s important that you don’t lose track of who you really are inside because that is what makes you special. You personality is already attracting the girls to be their friends so they like what they see, they just want to be sure that you will be able to take care of them. If she doesn’t see everything that you have to offer, it may be time to move on.

You should also be sure that the women that you are trying to date are women who share your interests and personality. It is not uncommon for the “nice guy” to be attracted to the bad girls. You will want a girl who will treat you the right way too and you should never be a doormat for anyone. It is altogether possible that there is a “nice girl” out there just waiting for you to talk to her.


  1. Honestly not to be the downer of it all, if a girl doesn’t want to go out with you it’s because even though your friends, she doesn’t want more than that, she doesn’t think your compatible as more than friends and she doesn’t want to risk losing you by taking that leap and trying a relationship when it could end badly, if your so upset by not getting the girl then talk it over with her telling her you won’t change, nothing will be different and that you can take it as slow as is needed for her to feel comfortable with you physically, emotionally, and sexually. I feel like there are so many situations where guys are friends with girls and like them, but then try to make something completely wrong out of it, I myself have had a few of these awkward situations, a girl and I have been hanging out a lot, when I ask to be more than friends she says she doesn’t want to risk losing the friendship, that’s because she doesn’t like you in the same way, not because you’ve been friend zoned! That’s all the relationship is to her! Being a nice guy is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! If a girl doesn’t want to be with you because you’re nice, she’s not the girl to be with!

  2. Now I see what I've been doing wrong.

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