Break ups are rarely easy regardless of whether or not you are the person who has ended the relationship or are the one who has been dumped. Very often the person who makes the decision to leave soon changes their mind and regrets the decision they made. It is not always easy to tell if an ex girlfriend wants you back or is just trying to stop there being any awkwardness when you happen to meet by chance. If they have been the one to go they should be honest and just say they have made a mistake but that does not always happen. If you have ended it and there is any attempt for reconciliation on their part it is your responsibility to make your position clear. The important thing is to make sure you have got the signals right and are not reading their friendliness as a desire for you to be a couple again. This could easily turn someone who could be a lifelong friend into an uncomfortable acquaintance.
What Should You Look For?
If it was a long term relationship or if you know each other really well, it should be easy to read the signals. It is also important to know what you want from the future. If the break up was for the best no amount of suggestion on their part should be considered. The other side of the coin is if she decided to end it and now wants to start again. If she really does want you back she will miss you if you are not around. By staying out of her life both of you will know if you are happier apart. If she decides she does miss you there are certain signals she will send out and you will need to know how to read them. Hopefully if you were close for the time you were together she will not be trying to get you back just to prove that she can.
What Will She Do?
Firstly she will start making plans for you to be in the same place when it could easily be avoided. If there is a reason why this does not need to happen yet she insists on being there it is a sign that she is looking for you to spend more time together. This may just be to make sure that the break up was the right decision but very often it will be a lead up to reversing it. Constant contact by phone is another sign. The odd joke or piece of information is normal but if it is really regular and not needed than she is starting to give her feelings away.
It is one thing to move away slowly and if the contact stops it may just have been her way of weaning herself away but if after a few weeks the calls are still coming thick and fast there is still interest there. After a while there may be the more blatant contact and the calls will lead to her asking if there is anyone else. It is best to be honest here. If there is someone else and the hope is that this new relationship will work there is no point denying it. This will only lead to the ex becoming more persistent and the new person feeling sidelined. If there is not, leave it open and just say “no one special”. If it was just a friendly question she will not feel slighted. If however it is meant to find out if it is worth her while carrying on trying to rekindle the flames she will not be deterred. Now is the time to decide what you want.
The Next Stages
Once she realizes that there is no one else there is the possibility that she will just carry on as if you were still a couple. When you are in the same place she will make lots of physical contact and make it very clear that there is no one else in her life. If she suddenly starts to dress up much more and make an effort to look good for events where you will both be it is likely that she is trying to find out if there is still an attraction on your part. This could also be an attempt to see if there is any jealousy. If she is looking good and flirting with someone else while all the time looking over to see how you will react it is fairly safe to say that she is thinking about the possibility of you becoming a couple again. The thing that needs to be decided is if you want her back or not. Even if there is no one else it does not mean you have to get back together. Relationships are one place where the expression “any port in a storm” has no significance.
What Should You Do?
Now is the time to decide if the relationship deserves another attempt. There is the need to be careful and make sure that the signs really have been read correctly and she is not just being nice in wanting to keep in touch. It will be a good idea to sit down and discuss what went wrong. It may be at this stage that the decision is made not to try again. It may not have been that she wanted you back but just that she was afraid of being alone. It could be that she really wants some sort of revenge. She may believe that the breakup is for the best but as it was your idea she does not like the idea of being dumped. If it was her decision maybe you did not act heartbroken enough. The only reason she could be trying to get you back is to end things again and then be able to tell everyone how she ended it.
The Way Forward
The best way to decide if the ex wants you back is to wait and see what the future brings. In the first few weeks feelings may be raw and the ex may not be thinking straight. Even if the initial attempt at contact on their part is genuine after a few weeks apart the feelings of freedom may be overwhelming and they can’t remember why they did not decide to end things ages ago. Knowing what to expect is always going to be important – forewarned is forearmed – and making notes about the contact the ex makes and then sitting down alone and analyzing it is the best way forward. If they are behaving in a way that you would not normally associate with them it is very likely that they are trying to win you back. If this is what you want it will be best to respond quickly but not before you have had a good long think about why it ended in the first place. The final old expression to remember is “be careful what you wish for”.
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