One of the most difficult aspects of a breakup is dealing with seeing your ex with another woman. The odd part about the whole thing is that even when we initiated the split we don’t like to see anyone else on the arm of ‘our man.’ Unfortunately, it is even more difficult to see when he left you. If after the breakup he is already dating someone else and you are going out of your mind with misery there are a few things you can do to make it a little easier on yourself.
Cliché but True – Time Heals All Wounds
While you don’t want to hear this now, the truth of the matter is that time does heal if you let it. You may never forget the love you shared and you will probably feel a pang or two of grief for your loss even after you have moved on in another relationship. Anyone who tries to tell you that the pain won’t stay with you for a very long time is probably lying to you. Nonetheless, it will be muted by time and there will come a day when you find that it doesn’t actually hurt anymore and it becomes more of a sad memory than outright pain.
Mourning Your Best Friend
Speaking of that penetrating sadness you are bound to feel, breaking up with a spouse or boyfriend often means that you have also lost your best friend. After the initial flames of romance cool off and couples grow used to each other they often become more like best friends and less like lovers. Sex may still be as good as ever but the relationship itself doesn’t stay as intense over time. In fact, it may take more time to heal from the loss of your best friend than the loss of a lover. Fortunately, there will be a time in the future when you have a new lover/partner again and will find that they have now become your new best friend forever.
Walking Away With Your Self Esteem Intact
One of the hardest things you will probably face is being able to walk away with your self esteem intact. This is especially true if he left you for another woman. It is all well and good for others to tell you to hold your head up high and pretend as though it doesn’t matter but they are not breaking apart from the inside out. Even so, they are right most of the time. If the breakup was brutal he may have demeaned you trying to justify his infidelity or his need to break free. You don’t need to internalize that! Realize that some relationships just aren’t meant to be and you may not be the ultimate cause of the breakup. Usually both partners play a role in the separation so trying to put it all on you is foolishness. Just because he is already with another doesn’t mean that you have failed him or the relationship in any way.
Stick Close to Friends – Stay Busy
Although the very last thing you feel like doing at the moment is hanging around with a bunch of your friends, especially if they were friends/couples you shared together. Perhaps you fear running into him with his new fling on his arm. That is understandable but you must have friends that were not part of the relationship you had with him. By having people around you it is easier to avoid a state of severe depression. Stay busy and stick close to friends for the moral support they can offer. A word of caution is probably in order here. Even though it is in your best interest to keep your mind busy so as not to dwell on that loneliness and heartbreak you should try to avoid looking for a ‘replacement.’ Sure, you’d like to stick it in his face that you are seeing someone as well but this could backfire on you. Don’t you think that guy on your arm is going to sense that he is being used?
Finding Support in Encounter Groups
There are a number of encounter groups you could join if you just don’t have anywhere else to turn. You will commonly hear others complaining that so soon after the breakup he is already dating someone else. Remember, it works both ways! Sometimes it’s ‘after the breakup she is already dating someone else.’ Although these groups are predominantly populated by divorced or separated men and women, people also join who were simply boyfriend and girlfriend or engaged. Broken hearts are not relegated to married couples and many a budding new romance began at encounter groups like New Beginnings. These groups have dances and social functions as well as group meetings to discuss their emotional state after breaking up. Check with your local churches for times and locations of meetings in your area.
Seeking Professional Help
If your depression gets too extreme and you find that you are just not able to carry on normal daily tasks as usual then perhaps you should be talking to a trained professional. Many women find that breaking up takes such a toll on them that they just can’t get up the ambition to leave the house or do the things they should be doing. Some women even have difficulty getting dressed in the morning as they feel there seems to be no reason for it. It is in times like these that it is important to learn to cope with the pain. This is even truer if the breakup was particularly nasty and he tried to bring you down in the process. There is nothing wrong with feeling blue when a relationship ends but there is something wrong with letting it get the better of you.
Believe it or not, breaking up is not the end of the world even if it feels like it today. No one is denying the horrific pain you are feeling when after breaking up he is already dating someone else. It’s horrible and you would like to play Lorena Bobbit or break both her arms and legs, but of course you can’t. (No one said you couldn’t dream!) Try to understand that this too will pass, even if only to a dull throb. Stay busy, surround yourself with friends and if all else fails join a support group or talk to a counselor. Just because your relationship came to an end doesn’t need to mean that you need to crawl in a hole and die! You are worth more than that. You are woman, you are beautiful and there is life after love.