Colleen Crawford If you had asked anyone why women fail in relationships a few decades ago you would get totally different responses that you are likely to get today. The world is changing and so are the roles which men and women play within the society in which they live. For instance, if you had asked your grandfather and grandmother why women fail in relationships they would probably say, in unison, “Women fail in relationships because they don’t take care of their families.” However, failing in a relationship is more than not keeping up with societal pressures, there are more personal reasons, some of which aren’t really failures at all! So, why do women fail in relationships?
Is This Really a Failure?
We live in a society that is moving at the speed of light. Because we can drive up to a window, place an order and drive out with a complete meal we expect instant gratification in every area of our lives. Sometimes we equate failure with a relationship that doesn’t last. Did you ever stop to think that perhaps this is not the right relationship for you? Look at it from another perspective. Love is a give and take, mutual understanding between two people. Sometimes we are with a man for months, years even, before we realize that we actually had nothing in common, other than good sex, perhaps! But is a great sexual relationship all that it takes to make us succeed in relationships? I think not. If it were we would be in bed 24 hours a day.
Forget Pop Psychology
If you read any of those self-help books, they will tell you that one of the reasons why women fail in relationships is that they are setting their expectations too high. Excuse me, but just what is wrong with that? Are we supposed to take anything in pants (as my mother would say) just so that we aren’t without a mate? Again, I think not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting your goals as high as you would like in life or in relationships. The thing to understand is that we are all human. You can set your goals as high as you’d like, just remember that even Mr. Right isn’t perfect all of the time. Perhaps you could give your partner a performance review every so often to make sure that he meets or exceeds as you would in reviewing an employee! In other words, so what if you have ticked off a few areas where he didn’t meet or exceed your expectations? If he got it right most of the time, he’s a keeper.
Putting the Blinders On
Listen, this is not a race! There is absolutely no reason to put the blinders on your man when you leave the house. If you expect him not to look around when he sees a pretty woman you are delusional and if you say you don’t look at good looking men who cross your path you are not only delusional you are a liar! Let’s face it, we look because there is something to look at. It doesn’t mean that we are going to test the waters; it just means that we see beauty for what it is. Jealousy is probably one of the leading reasons why women fail at relationships. Of course the same could be said of men! Jealousy will get you nowhere. If you truly suspect your man is cheating on you, that goes beyond jealousy. This means that your guy was unfaithful which was his failure and not yours. Unfortunately, we think that if he cheated we must have done something wrong, failed him in some way. It could be, but it could just be that some men have trouble being faithful.
Once Bitten, Twice Shy
You have heard that old adage, ‘once bitten, twice shy.’ If you have ever been hurt in the past you might be projecting that relationship onto any further encounters you may have. Not all men will leave you at the altar and not all men will be unfaithful. Leave the baggage behind. It is human nature to learn by our mistakes but we often carry that altogether too far. Yes, learn from your past but don’t bring that past along with you into your present and future. If your former lover/husband was a control freak and wouldn’t let you out of his sight for a moment you might let this influence the way you react in your current relationship. Just because a guy asks what you will be doing tonight doesn’t mean that he is going to read you the riot act if you say you are going out with the girls. Some men are confident enough to trust their women and if you get an attitude when he asks it isn’t a good omen. In other words, just leave the past where it belongs and start a new relationship with a fresh slate.
Keep in mind that not all relationships fail through the fault of any one person. Sometimes that relationship was doomed from the beginning. Recognize that for what it is and get on with your life. If you took a closer look at what society says are the reasons women fail in relationships you would see that often it is not the woman at all! Once you have confidence in yourself as a person who brings something special to your relationships you will find that you probably weren’t responsible for the failure. And that is perhaps at the top of the list of reasons why women fail in relationships – because they ‘think’ it must have been their fault! Be open and honest, give your man some space and realize that you can’t own all the problems in the world around you. Sometimes things just don’t happen the way you want them to. Is that your fault? (If you said yes, then go back to the top and read this again!)