If you’re in a ‘passionate’ relationship and get into lots of arguments then you might be sick of bickering and quarrelling with your partner and see it as a bad thing with no grace that only leads to hurt feelings and upset.
However that would be to miss some of the real beauty of an argument and the fact that when done right, the ability to ‘debate’ and disagree is actually an art form when you do it correctly. If you know how to do it properly then arguing can actually be very satisfactory and help you to hone your debating and disputing skills and if you can do it well then it can of course also help you to win the disputes – you need to argue in order to get your way. Lastly, believe it or not a few smaller ‘quarrels’ as opposed to full blown slagging matches can help to bring you closer together and make you understand each other and each other’s points of views more. Thus the ability to argue is an important and rewarding skill, so here we will have a look at some of the tips that can make you better at it and help you to win more often and walk away still talking to your partner.
The first thing to understand when quarrelling is that shouting and insulting will get you nowhere. All this will in fact do is make the other person more angry and get them hotter under the collar. This will make them less likely to listen to reason and more likely to dig their feet in further – and it will also cause their temper to flare causing you both to say things you don’t mean.
At the same time you should make an effort to distance yourself and to distance your partner from the argument. They are not completely indistinguishable from their views and it’s completely normal and acceptable for you to have disagreements. You are discussing a point of contention and trying to make them see your point of view – your problem is not with them per se. So don’t make it personal and don’t say anything along the lines of ‘that’s typical of you’ or ‘of course you would say that’.
You also need to try and put your point of view across in a way that will be easy for them to understand so think about how you are going to phrase what you’re going to say and run it through your head before you spurt it out your mouth. If there’s any way that what you’re saying could be misinterpreted and/or taken personally then you should take the time to rephrase it.
You also should make sure not to just keep spouting your point of view without in any way reacting to what the other party is saying. This is incredibly frustrating and won’t get either of you anywhere. What’s really important is that you stop to hear what the other person is saying and then try to react to that with your statement. They will appreciate it, it will make what you’re saying more relevant and it will mean that your conversation is moving forward – even if they don’t necessarily agree with you.