Should Women Call Men?

Growing up many of us heard never to call a guy and to let him call you first. Over the years we have evolved somewhat because of things like women’s lib and equal rights. However, more and more of us are finding that the old ideals still tend to work the best when it comes to getting a guy interested in us. In reality there are still a lot of rules that apply when it comes to women dealing with men. We have gotten very far from the things we were taught as children but now we are starting to believe that our parents weren’t so foolish after all. This is not to say that women should never under any circumstances call a man but there are some guidelines that certainly should be followed. That is if you are looking to encourage specific feelings in a man.

Never Call First

This is the oldest golden rule in the book and today many women disagree. In fact there are entire groups of people that do not agree with this but since the beginning of time men have been much more interested in something that is a bit of a challenge than something that comes too easily. Think about what the man is instinctively meant for. He is the hunter and he likes the thrill of a chase. If you make yourself too accessible to him then he will become bored easily. Does this sound a lot like what your grandmother told you? This is something that will never change, no matter how much society changes. Men and woman will always have the instincts that are born into them. If you meet an interesting guy and you two seem to hit it off, give him your number. If he offers you his then just tell him you will get it from him when he calls you. This way you can be sure that the rules are clear. There will be no doubt that it is understood that you expect him to call you. If he does not call then do not fret, it wasn’t meant to be.

Calling After the First Date

This is a really tough one. In one way you may think that you should call to thank him for a nice evening or just to say hello but this is one of the most crucial times to let him call you first. You have just had your first experience together, he either got really into you on this date or he decided he really didn’t like you all that much after all. If you call him first then how will you really know? Better to wait until he calls you. Now, once he does call you then you have set the precedent to be able to call him in a couple of days if that is what you want to do. Just try and sit on your hands and let that first call come from him.

What If He Asks Me to Call?

There is a big difference between calling a man randomly and calling him because he requested that you do so. If a man you have been talking to walks up to you with his phone number and asks you to call him later then this is a totally different scenario. You could tell him to hold on and you will write your number down for him so he can call you when it is convenient or you could just take the number and call him later. Either way this is a time when calling a man is acceptable.

After Several Dates

Once the two of you have established some kind of rapport and he seems to have shown genuine interest in being with you and spending time with him then it is fine to call once in awhile or even text him a good morning or hello. The rules change a bit as the time goes by and two people become acclimated to each other and start building a relationship. Once you become an “item” then you can call him or he can call you. This defines the time when the “chase” has officially ended and he has caught his prey. Use caution so as not to call him too often just the same. You do not want to appear clingy or needy as these are very unattractive qualities so make sure you limit the amount of calls that are made to him. If you do call him and he tells you he is busy and will need to call you back then whatever you do, do not call him back again until he has called you back; doing that will appear obsessive.

What About After a Fight?

This will depend on who was in the wrong. If you are like many women then you will automatically think that you were in the right. It is very hard for a lot of women to admit when they are wrong and for this reason a lot of guys just let women be right. If you did something to hurt him or got caught in a lie or some other infraction then you really should pick up the phone and call him. If the argument or fight was prompted by something he did that made you angry then perhaps you better let him call you. Never make a man grovel when he wasn’t wrong and never grovel yourself if you were not wrong.

It is true that today no one really sticks to any rules of etiquette where relationships are concerned. Could this be why the divorce rate is as high as it is today? There is really no way to be sure but what we do know is that someone was doing something right back in the days when people actually stayed married for a lifetime. Maybe following some guidelines and setting up a set of rules to live by in the very beginning will help to shape the whole relationship.


  1. Written by a real social scientist / psychologist! Totally backed up with legit data and good advice.


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