It might be that the woman your with seems perfect in every other way, that she’s a ball of sweetness and light. Beautiful and kind and supportive and always willing to help out or lend an ear. She’s great with your family and great in bed, but if she’s also incredibly bossy, then this isn’t going to make you any less want to ring her neck.
Bossy women are common and if you look at most relationships you’ll probably find that men are the more ‘laid back’ party while the women wear the trousers. This is partly down to a simple difference in the genders and while women tend to pay more close attention to detail and want to ‘talk about things’ men tend to do what’s necessary for an easy life and are skilled at conflict avoidance.
However there are levels of bossiness and there are certainly some levels that might just be a little bit too much to take. If you find that you’re dating a woman who is too bossy to handle then this might mean that she leaves notes by the washing up, that she tells you what you should be wearing, and that she is constantly interrupting you while you’re relaxing to do chores or other things. You might even get told to ‘shh’ when she is talking. At this point it can start to become tricky to stay so calm and laid back and you may start to fantasies about taping her mouth closed. More seriously it can start to feel like she’s taking your manhood away from you and that your pride is at stake – you don’t want to be a doormat for the rest of your life.
You shouldn’t let this ruin your relationship with an otherwise perfect woman though, so instead it’s important to learn to deal with bossy women and to deflate the situation. Here we will look at some methods you can use to stop a bossy woman from being so bossy.
Make it Into a Joke: You need to think about how much you love this woman, and if you really want to be with her then biting her head off right away will only make her upset. Chances are that she had only good intentions at heart. What you need to do then is to call her on it in a fun way – maybe answer an instruction as ‘yes miss bossy’ or ‘anything else you’d like your highness?’. Most women if they have some self awareness will find this to be quite embarrassing and won’t like the thought of being ‘the bossy one’ and this will mean that every time you say ‘yes miss bossy’ from now on it will hit home a little that she’s ‘doing it again’. Hopefully over time this will cause her to say it less often and to be more aware of what she’s been like. Crucially though it doesn’t turn it into a big deal.
Catch it Early On: It’s important to make sure that early on it’s dealt with, or at least as early as possible. In relationships we tend to get into patterns – people get away with so much and then they start to think that this is what they can get away with all time or that that’s always how you should react. If you’ve always bowed down to her every whim then it will be a lot harder further down the line to stop and re-align the balance of power.
Look Out for Odd Turns of Phrase: In a relationship no one should be the boss and bossy women know this deep down. That’s why no one is going to say ‘do the dishes now’ but will instead hide an instruction by disguising it as a question or a suggestion ‘would you like to do the dishes now?’, ‘would you like to do the dishes now or in a bit?’, ‘are you going to do the dishes soon?’, ‘don’t you think you should do the dishes?’. Don’t let them get away with these mind games and instead beat them at their own game by saying ‘no I wouldn’t like to, but I might do it anyway later’ or ‘no I don’t think I should’. This way you are answering the question without bending to their will.
Be Assertive: Sometimes the best way to beat someone bossy is to be more assertive and to say something first. For instance then before she can say ‘don’t you think it’s time to do the dishes?’ – step up at the table and say ‘I’ll take out the trash if you don’t mind doing the dishes’. Unless she wants to be purposefully argumentative you’ve beaten her to the punch and extinguished the situation.
Compromise: If you keep saying you’ll do what she wants then eventually you’ll start to feel like you’ve given too much ground and you’ve lost your dignity. A good way around this is to compromise on matters – for instance if she wants you to do the hoovering then say you’ll do just one room, or you’ll do it later, or you’ll do it if she does something else and this way it is still a two-way agreement instead of a master and slave scenario.
Be Firm: Despite all these ways of avoiding the conflict and remaining defiant, you still need to sometimes speak with your woman about the problem if it’s bothering you. That means telling her firmly that no you won’t do it and that you don’t appreciate being bossed around so much. Make sure there’s a line that you don’t cross and that she knows where that line is. If you surprise her and are calm but firm then she will know not to push it again too far in future.