Gary Wickman Anger is among basic human emotions and a very complicated one. It manifests itself in a few different ways and although the real purpose of anger is to help you defend yourself, bad anger can be highly destructive and even if you can suppress it, anger that is turned inwards can cause depression. When we can’t handle or control our anger, we are at the mercy of things that go with it. An alarming number of people have anger issues and many of them are younger people.
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing and it is healthy if:
• You can talk about it to people around you
• You don’t use it to manipulate, control, intimidate or punish others
• You can effectively recognize and address it
• You can control and let go of it
• You understand others’ point of view and respect it although you don’t agree with it
Conversely, you have an unhealthy anger if:
• You push down emotions that you believe as inappropriate such as crying
• You are disappointed with yourself, other people and the world
• You blame others for your misfortunes and mistakes
• You lose respect and trust in others
• You are more comfortable with angry and aggressive people
• You insist on holding on to your anger for no reasons.
Unhealthy anger could be the most contagious and destructive form of emotion. It affects your mind and body profoundly. Anger is originally a natural response to threats and others’ aggressiveness. It is far more advantageous to find ways to handle your anger than trying to keep it hidden, because suppressed anger may explosively erupts. For our ancestors, anger is important for their survival as it can unlock hidden physical and emotional energy to protect them during an emergency. It is also a defensive reaction to a perceived stressor, loss and threat. Often, there is an underlying internal and external trigger to your anger.
• Low self esteem: Some people have inferiority complex and believe that they’ll accomplish very little or nothing. They may choose one of these two paths, avoid confrontation or behave like a hot headed bull, because they think life is unfair. Inferiority syndrome can build up a good deal of suppressed anger to people and the world.
• Frustration: It is a common source of anger and if you are unable to find way to solve things that frustrate you, being angry all the time is very easy.
• Envy: It is a strong negative emotion and when it isn’t tackled effectively, anger is imminent.
• Unforgiveness: Bearing even a little grudge may lead to an intense anger. Anger that is triggered by unforgiveness often festers inside us. Anger happens constantly when you remember bad things that have been inflicted on you.
• Fear: When you’re excessively fearful to many things in life, you can be angered easily. Fear plagues our life and may prevent us from living a full life.
Internal anger can also happen when your personal beliefs are violated. For example if:
• You know someone hits his wife, simply because he believed that she had made him angry.
• You meet a driver who thinks the road is all his.
• You find a child who is abandoned by her parents.
When you plan to move to the right the direction, you should understand your triggers. Often, it can be difficult for people to know what fuels their anger and find ways to prevent their anger from hurting their loved ones.
If you think that hitting a punch-bag in the garage is a healthy way to vent your anger, think again. Experts found that physically venting your anger to an inanimate object can actually build up more anger inside you. If you’re losing control and overwhelmed, you should manage your anger before it controls you. When anger is imminent, you should changes on your body. Just feel how the adrenalin rushes, palms sweat and heart races. These symptoms are comparable to what you experience during a fear and it is not a coincidence, because angers stems from a fear of being not in control, being ignored, unloved and unsafe. Recognizing the root of your anger can help your situation immensely.
Children who have seen parents use anger appropriately, may respond similarly in their adulthood. They may experience the feeling of not being able to control their emotions due to anger attack. Anger can simmer inside during childhood and adolescence, until you find out that you can use it to exercise control and gain power. The surge of power may come with an outburst when you see challenges and rewards ahead. Unfortunately, managing your anger to improve your quality of live and productivity isn’t straightforward. When people are angry, they tend to speak first before engaging their brains, as the result they may say thing that they will regret later.
After being angry uncontrollably, you may decide to punish yourself and consequently, you suffer from blame and shame. You feel that the remaining anger energy is slowly aimed at you, which make your feel powerless. People who are often blaming themselves for being bad, unreliable and not good enough, may eventually believe that these are your “core beliefs”. When people tell you that you let them down or that you’re stupid or you become ashamed of them, it further reinforces negative core beliefs about yourself. You hate these feelings and may eventually become ashamed of them. You build up a defense mechanism to cope with those obstacles and try to respond in the best way possible. It is likely that you’ll become negatively reactive to people with the same traits, as they’re reflections of you. Unconsciously, you believe that accusing and blaming others will take the spotlight of you. Next time, you’re plagued with a negative thought; you should look for a few strong evidences to support it. If you find none, you should assertively challenge the thought and move on immediately, life’s too short, so don’t waste your time with unimportant thoughts.
Sometimes, we think that life is unfair and the whole world is conspiring against us. So we have the urge to fight anything that gets in the way. Venting our anger to people and the world may seem like a sweet revenge, but by harming them emotionally and physically you gain nothing. Jealousy, stealing and manipulating people with emotional blackmail can also happen. If it happens to you, forgiving people may not be easy you continuously carry the grudge that reminds you of their past mistakes. On the other hand, by excessively suppressing your anger, you’re only hurting yourself and often people don’t even aware that their actions have made you angry. So they may keep on doing their things and remain oblivious to your feeling. Suppressed anger may erupt after you drink too much alcohol, so to control your emotions; you may need to tackle your drinking problems first.