How to Avoid the Friend Zone

The friend zone is something like the twilight zone though in many ways more terrifying. It is an abstract place that is open to interpretation, and it is one that is very difficult to escape from. Yet many people still fall prey to it and walk into its cleverly laid traps. So what is the friend zone, and how do you escape from this otherworldly realm?

What Is the Friend Zone?

The friend zone of course refers to the risk you have when you try and get a girl or a guy to become interested in you, of accidentally gradually becoming too friendly up until the point where they only view you as a friend and not as a potential partner at all. This of course then means that you have successfully managed to impress them, but that unfortunately you have as a result stymied yourself.

Is the Friend Zone Real?

That’s what people refer to as the ‘friend zone’, but can this really be such a universal and measurable experience? Of course the answer is no – of course over time we can become familiar with people but that on its own doesn’t mean that we would never consider dating them. Think about your own friends of the opposite sex – chances are that at some point or other then you have been attracted to them, or have at least played over in your mind what it would be like if you were to date them – even if you dismissed this idea. In other words then, being friends and becoming lovers are not mutually exclusive and in fact many people view this as desirable and convenient. So what’s really going on here?

Well again think to your own friends – why aren’t you dating them? There are probably three reasons which are that you a) aren’t attracted to them, which is unfortunately nothing to do with a ‘friend zone’, b) don’t think they’re interested in you or c) have been there and nothing happened. There is of course the possibility that they don’t want to ‘risk your friendship’, but then again think of yourself. If you were really attracted to someone you knew then would you risk your friendship? If you thought it could be something special then that probably wouldn’t stop you.

How to Avoid the Friend Zone

So here’s what generally happens. To start with there is a spark – if there’s no spark at all then you are going to need to change something about the way you look or the way you behave towards them for this to have any chance of working. Over time you spend more time with the person because you are too shy and eventually you become chums – but the spark is gone. What happened? Well there are three possibilities:

• They got tired of waiting for you to make a move, thought that your lack of confidence was a bit of a turn off and moved on.

• They decided that you didn’t fancy them and just wanted to be friends and so decided to move on.

• They fancy you but like you don’t want to make a move and risk it blowing up in their face, so act as though they’re just interested in being friends.

So to prevent this in other words you need to make your intentions clear. Being too nervous to make a move is not attractive and they will think of you as a friend simply because you seem to lack the ability to be in any way assertive – they won’t see you as sexual as you’ve never shown that side. At the same time put it off too convincingly and they will start to question themselves.

Now there are unfortunately relatively few things you can do here other than just come out with it. But you can certainly try upping the tempo and acting a little more sexually assertive around them – make comments about how sexy they look, put one arm around them in a possessive manner and let them see that you are clearly attracted to them – and not too shy to show it. If you get a positive response (and if there was that initial spark then you are very likely to) then try making a move while you’re out drinking together. Otherwise just tell them that you fancy them and that you really like them – but if it’s been a long time coming then try to make it seem less needy by being very confident and forthright with it.

Getting Out of the Friend Zone

If you’re already in the ‘friend zone’ then it needn’t be too late necessarily. As mentioned it’s never too late to start acting in a slightly more sexual way to make them stop thinking of you as someone too meek to be sexual. At the same time you can also start flirting gently, and teasing your ‘friend’ is a good way to do this too. You can also try changing your look drastically – while they might not like this more or less than your old one, it will just make them stand up and take notice of you and perhaps see you in a new light. If you’re a guy then try dressing a lot more smartly and putting in more effort when you craft your look/buy a new wardrobe, or if you’re a woman then try changing your hair by dying it or having it cut, or change the way you do your makeup.

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