When you’re truly in love with a guy it can be an all encompassing experience, one that takes up a large majority of your thoughts and that fills you with elation and glee whenever you think his name.
Unfortunately being in love can also be somewhat maddening. And if you find yourself thinking about your guy too much, or in an obsessive way then you can end up turning into something that no girl wants to be – an obsessive girlfriend. You are thinking about them all the time, and you want them to know that and to feel special and the same way about you, but the unfortunate irony is that if you take this too far it can end up having the exact opposite effect – you can end up actually driving them away from you instead.
It’s a fine line to walk, you don’t want to be a blasé or uninterested girlfriend either, so how can you go about showing your affection without falling into that trap? Here we will look at some common traps to avoid.
Being Joined at the Hip
You remember when you met? Chances were there was an element of mystery about you both, there were things that neither of you knew and you both wanted to spend more time to get to know each other. This is part of the attraction in a new relationship and if you know everything about someone then it can feel a little like the mystery is gone. At the same time if you spend all your time with someone it can begin to become suffocating and you can start to run out of things to say. You know the old adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’.
In other words you need to make sure that you both have independent lives and that your every waking hour is not spent together, for if it is, then you won’t have anything to talk about and you won’t develop as individuals. Worst of all, if you should end up breaking up and you’ve lost your old friends and have no other interests or activities, then the blow will be ten times harder. There’s another saying – that ‘those who are happy apart are happiest together’. So make an effort to spend some nights with other friends, and to let him do the same, maybe take a class on your own and try not to make him feel guilty if he goes out on his own – in fact encourage it. He’ll want you more as a result and you’ll seem twice as interesting.
Jealousy is a highly unattractive quality, and it’s also one of the quickest ways to drive your partner into the arms of someone else. It’s difficult to sometimes stop your mind playing tricks on you if you suspect your partner might be being eyed up on his night out, but you need to trust him if he’s going to look forward to coming back and seeing you. If you’re jealous and suspicious it will drive you apart and it will make you into that obsessive and not very attractive girlfriend – those who are confident in themselves, and who trust their partner, have no need to be jealous.
So you either trust your partner or you don’t. And if you don’t trust them then you probably shouldn’t be in that relationship as it won’t be healthy for either of you.
Calling All the Time
So you’ve managed to tear yourselves apart physically – now you need to make sure to give him space to enjoy himself. If he’s constantly on the phone to you and constantly having to ‘check in’ then he won’t be able to enjoy his time not in your company. Give him time to get to miss you, and don’t make all his friends sick of the sound of you.
Trying Too Hard to Please
It’s lovely to want to please your boyfriend, and dressing up sexily when he comes home from work or giving him a massage is a lovely gesture and one that is sure not to go unnoticed. But at the same time you also want to make sure that you don’t end up losing your dignity as a result. You need to make him work for the treats and if you’re constantly at his beck and call then it won’t be much of a challenge and it will be all too easy.
Trying to Make Him Jealous
This is another strange behavior that some women try to use to keep their men interested. Unfortunately it couldn’t be more misguided and in most cases the guy will just be upset and hurt or even angry and end it.
A picture of your boyfriend and you together in your purse is a sweet sentimental touch that will make him smile warmly when he sees it or thinks of it. However a shrine to him in your bedroom is not sweet – it’s creepy and again it’s plain not attractive.
Moving Too Fast
Girls are a lot keener on the idea of moving in and getting married and having children than most guys. Women have the old ‘biological clock’ while men are more motivated by the fear of mid-life crisis – of realizing they’re 40 and have achieved none of their dreams and never done anything. Unfortunately their dreams are not normally anything to do with children so they need the time to feel like they’ve ‘lived’ or at least tried to live, and they will likely react very badly to the threat of being domesticated.
In other words then if you start talking about baby names on week four of your relationship, or drop hints about engagement after six months, then this is obsessive girlfriend behavior 101 and you will risk being jettisoned.