The break up of a long relationship is an incredibly painful and upsetting thing to go through and in many ways is akin to grieving over the loss of a loved one. At the same time though you also lose a big part of your lifestyle and the sheer amount of change that you go through – from your day to day routines to your circle of friends – makes this a huge ordeal.
This is one of the big things that creates that pull to get back into the dating game perhaps sooner than we should. We simply want to get back some of the closeness, some of the security and some of the sense of progress that’s all a part of being in a relationship.
And then there’s the other reason – the fact that you’ve been in one relationship for months, perhaps years, and have of course had moments where you’ve wondered what it would be like to date someone else. You might even have had people in mind. Despite the many benefits of being in a relationship it also has drawbacks and makes you less ‘free’ in love. Thus, getting back on the horse as it were and trying to date again can be a highly tempting prospect if it means you get to try meeting new people again and finding that buzz.
The problem is though that you won’t necessarily be ready. You might want to get back into a relationship, but if you are still ‘fresh’ from your last break up then you will still be in the ‘rebound’ phase. And this has many dangers leaving you more vulnerable than normal, leaving you more likely to hurt the other person, and preventing you from necessarily seeing things clearly.
To help combat this, here we will look at some ‘rebound dating rules’. These are not set in stone, but if you follow this advice then you will hopefully find that you are less likely to come unstuck and that everyone is more likely to come away happy.
First of all, you should make sure to be up-front about your situation and your dating history. Someone might choose not to go out with you if they know you are ‘on the rebound’ but it’s important you give them the choice.
Tell Your Ex
Your honesty should also extend to your ex-partner and it’s much nicer for them to know from you that you are going to be dating again than it is for them to log into Facebook and see you snogging someone on your profile. They don’t have to like it, but extend them the courtesy of a warning.
Take it Slow
Launching back into a serious relationship is not normally a great idea and it’s very important to be happy in yourself and as a single person again before you get back into the world of dating. Otherwise you are risking dating for the sake of dating, and you will be likely to have feelings of regret that you jumped into something. It’s also not particularly savoury to go from one serious relationship straight to another and you’ll find you alienate family and friends and insult your ex-partner. Take it slow at first and you’ll avoid getting hurt or hurting anyone else.
Know What You Want
You might disagree with the above suggestion and find the person you are sure is the one this time. That’s fine if it’s the way you feel and you’re sure, but you need to make certain that you know what you want before you begin dating. You don’t want to get hurt again by having a brief encounter when you really wanted more and you don’t want to get stuck in a serious relationship when you aren’t ready yet. Come up with a gameplan, know what you’re going to tell future partners, and know what’s good for you before you begin the dating game again.
Try a Change
One of the most disturbing things you can probably do when you’re on the rebound is to start dating an exact clone of your last partner. No one wants to see that and it’s only going to confuse the feelings you have for them. Your last relationship didn’t work, so rather than trying to get that back, try something new that has its own life and that has an actual chance of working.
Don’t Talk Too Much on It
When you’re on your first date with your new beau, do not make the mistake of regaling them with tales of how your last partner cheated on you, or about how happy you were together. Either of these things will just make it seem like you aren’t over them, and will be highly off putting for someone who might otherwise have been interested.