Even in the most committed of relationships you may still have the odd thought of ‘Does he really love me?’. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand just what emotions a man feels towards you as they are not all adept at expressing how they feel or making open gestures of affection without having to receive a prompt first. As women we can fall into the trap of expecting a man to show his love in the same way that we do but they simply don’t work that way. So when it comes to trying to gauge the depth of their feeling we often don’t credit them with enough sincerity.
Actions Don’t Always Speak Louder Than Words
As women we expect love to be shown in different ways, by loving gestures and unspoken words translated into deeds and caring acts. However while research has shown that there are some behaviours that are intrinsically linked to feelings of love, not all behaviors are. One of the great things about being in love is that it lends itself to spontaneous gestures, you have the thought about doing something nice for him and so you do it, things like telling him that you love him out of the blue or offering him a neck rub after a long day at the office. These are actions that require very little in the way of forethought or planning.
Whereas there are other actions and behaviors that require much more in the way of thought, these are less spur of the moment and more along the lines of doing something because we know that it will be appreciated, like remembering to take the rubbish out without having to be asked, or following through on a promise to call home every day while you are away. These latter actions are more about commitment and conscience than they are about love.
While a contradiction of terms predictable spontaneity is just what the researchers found happens when we are in love. For those who are deeply in love, spontaneous acts happen regularly, though these actions may occur less frequently in a long term relationship they are still there, and still a sign that the love is there. Those other actions the ones that we feel show that we are loved, like the doing household chores without being told are more about keeping you happy and doing things that please you in order to have a happy relationship. These are the actions that require a lot of thought and conscious effort to maintain.
Many people who are in a long term relationship often believe that the love has been lost because their relationship appears to have lost the spark of spontaneity. The surprise bouquet no longer arrives and spur of the romantic dinners seem to be a thing of the past. Some of this change in behavior is down to the feeling of comfort and security that the relationship provides. There is no need; or rather your partner feels no need to make those romantic gestures anymore as he is confident that you are well aware of how he feels for you. He is now in the process of maintaining your relationship by doing the things that he knows makes you happy, rather than the one off gestures of the past. It is not that he loves you any less; just that he is happy with the way things are and is doing what he can to maintain it.
There are some men however that never stop the spontaneous gestures and instead seem to drive us mad by not doing the things that we want them to do, like household chores without having to be prompted. Strange as it may sound, these are the men who are deeply in love. They are not buying you flowers or buying you a gift to make up for anything that they have done, neither are they trying to cover their tracks. These are the men who a deeply in love and can’t see past thinking in the here and now. If they have a thought about doing something nice for you to show you that they care they will do it that day, they simply have to buy the flowers or book the table at your favorite restaurant. It is not that they don’t want to maintain a happy relationship by doing their share of the mundane, it is just that they don’t have the memory for remembering all of the things that you would prefer them to do, all they can think about is how much they love you and how best to show you.