If you have been in a relationship that has been moving along quite nicely, thoughts of the two of you settling down together may well have entered your mind. As far as you are concerned this guy is the one that you have been waiting for. Yet while you are already picking out curtains for your marital home he is showing none of the signs that he is ready to commit to a full on long term relationship. There could be a number of reason why he isn’t ready to make the big commitment, he may not fully understand the reasoning himself.
He’s Not Ready to Give Up the Ex
If you were to ask him if he still has feelings for his ex, he will of course tell you that the relationship he had with her is in the past and that he is completely over it. He probably believed this at the time when he said it to you, but now he is in a relationship with you he has come to realize that in reality his feelings for his ex are far from over. While the thought of you being his ‘rebound relationship’ is hard to come to terms with it’s important that you at least consider the possibility of this being the truth, to avoid you getting hurt too much later down the line. This is more likely if you have come on the scene not too long after their relationship ended. Look for any signs that he is still carrying a torch for her, are there still reminders of their relationship on show at his place, photos that haven’t been put away, or if he gives you constant examples of how she did things differently or brings up times that they were together.
His Ex Gave Him a Bad Time
If your guy is still reeling from a tempestuous relationship and a bad break up, you can’t blame the guy for not wanting to jump straight into another full on relationship straight away. It may take him some time to develop the trust needed to realize that you are not going to hurt him in the same kind of way. Because he is wary of getting scared he will be looking for warning signs that the relationship is failing, and it’s one of those times when you are going to have to be incredibly patient with him until he finally realizes that you are not out to hurt him.
There’s Someone Else
Does he have a history of keeping his options open, double dating and two timing? It could be that he has someone waiting on the sidelines in case things with you don’t work out. If this is the case it is up to you to look out for the tell tale signs, mysterious appointments, stories that don’t sound altogether convincing, times when you are unable to reach him etc. Lots of little signs can all add up into a bigger picture, if you have cause for concern ask him, bring your fears out into the open before you get really hurt.
He’s Happy as He Is
It could well be that while he is happy to go on dates with you and have some fun that he is really happy with his life the way that it is and has no space in his life for a long term commitment. Of course he really enjoys your company and having fun together, but only when it fits in with the rest of his life. If you start making demands of his time that he has planned for something else, your relationship will lose the fun aspect that he enjoys and you may well find yourself looking for someone else.
Money Is God
All relationships can be placed under stress by money, and with some men it can put the brakes on them committing at all. If your guy is very career minded he may feel that a long term commitment would hold him back and limit his earning potential. If his parents or any couple that he knows were involved in a messy divorce, he may have seen how a man’s finances can be severely affected by a divorce settlement and he just doesn’t feel ready to take any such risk. There is a way round this though, whilst a prenuptial agreement isn’t the most romantic thing in a relationship, it may well give him the security that he needs to take that final step towards commitment.
He Thinks You’re Pressuring Him
Occasionally is can be that although you are in a healthy and happy relationship he can start feeling pressurized by you to make that last big commitment and will start to withdraw. While he may well feel that you are the girl for him and the one that he is more than happy to spend the rest of his life with, the feeling that he is being forced into making a decision will stop him from making it. Of course it is important that he is aware of how you feel about your relationship, he needs to be able to express his feelings too.
Unready for Responsibility
A long term relationship comes with a lot of responsibilities attached to it, and it can be these responsibilities that he finds scary. He may not be ready to enter a long term partnership when everything he does and every decision he makes has to take into account the thoughts and feelings of another. While this may come across as selfish, it is what it is and nothing you can do can change it. Whilst you may feel that it’s time for you to settle down and start making babies, he does not run to the same biological clock and has no understanding of the way you feel.
Whatever his reasons are there is very little that you can do to make him change his mind. If you are not prepared to wait until he is ready, maybe he is not ‘the one’ for you after all and it is time that you cut your losses and moved on to pastures new.