Confidence is an incredibly important asset. It helps us to be happy in who we are and it means that we aim high at achieving our goals and ambitions and that we generally believe in ourselves. If you are fortunate enough to have a lot of confidence then you will know how much happier it makes you than those who do not.
The shame is though that many people are not confident and suffer from very low self esteem. At the same time it’s been said that one negative comment has ten times the impact (for most of us) as one positive comment, so for many it’s fighting a losing battle. One of the nicest things you can do for someone you love then is to try and raise their confidence and make them feel better about themselves. Giving them a truly heartfelt compliment or generally massaging their ego will always go down well and they are sure to appreciate it and appreciate your friendship as a result.
First Things First
The first thing to remember when trying to boost others’ confidence is that this is a covert operation. You need to make your attempts go unnoticed as if they realise you are purposefully trying to make them feel better about themselves they will question the reality of what you are telling them – they’ll think you’re saying it ‘just to be nice’.
Also important is to try and ensure that you are confident yourself. If you are truly confident then you will have no need to massage your own ego by attacking theirs which is something that insecure people often do. At the same time it allows you to compare them favourably to yourself. For instance you can say ‘I wish I was as tall as you’, or ‘you are much better than me at this’ and not let it damage your own ego. It takes a lot of self confidence to be able to admit your own short comings, but doing so will make others feel better about themselves, at the same time it will also help them to realise that they aren’t the only ones with insecurities. In short, for all sorts of reasons, confidence is infectious.
The next thing to do is to think about what it is about the person that makes them unique and that you genuinely do admire. If you don’t honestly think much of someone then that will come across, but likewise if you genuinely appreciate them they will probably pick up on that too. Everyone has something that makes them outstanding and if you think about that then you’ll make sure to be able to communicate that to the other person too.
Pass on Compliments
One great way to boost someone’s confidence is to pass on compliments to them. This is a great way to make sure that they know that everyone – not just you – is impressed with them and what they are doing. If someone tells you they think your friend is hot, or they tell you that they think they’re one of the nicest people they’ve met… or anything else along those lines, then you should pass that on to ensure that they know it (as long as it doesn’t embarrass the person who said that to you too much).
While you shouldn’t compliment them too often for fear of coming across as creepy or as too false, you can occasionally compliment them and make it truly heartfelt in order to ensure that they feel appreciated and that what they’re doing isn’t going unnoticed. A truly heartfelt compliment is one where you tell them you think what they’re doing is really good, or you admire them for whatever reason and where you explain what it is that makes them so impressive – as opposed to just occasionally giving throw away comments like ‘you look great mate’.
At the same time though you can also get away with smaller comments that aren’t quite compliments but that will nevertheless feed their ego. For example ‘you look great in black’. A really good one is to say that they remind you of someone desirable or impressive as this way it comes across as not an obvious compliment and something that they will likely believe is more genuine. This is especially effective if you happen to know who it is they admire or look up to (but that they don’t know you know). Covertly find out who it is that they look up to and then casually say ‘you know you remind me a bit of blah in that outfit/in that photo/when you said that’. It’s amazing how much that can make their day.
The main area that requires confidence is in our career goals, our dreams and our aims. Too often people knock us and make us feel like our goals are unobtainable or just generally communicate that they don’t think we can achieve them. Words of encouragement then are some of the best ways to make someone feel confident and like they can achieve anything.
Help Them to Thrive
Of course if someone is very insecure or lacks confidence to a large degree, it’s often because they aren’t happy with themselves for whatever reason. There are many ways that you can make someone feel more confident by helping them to better themselves – so give them career advice, recommend they go to the gym (and maybe go with them) and help them to improve their dress sense and style. If you look good and healthy then you’ll feel good and healthy.
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