Falling Into Love With Someone You Can’t Have

In a perfect world we would only ever fall in love with a person who would reciprocate. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world and for this reason we often tend to fall in love with people who are unavailable to us, either emotionally or for some other reason. There are a million reasons why a person might not be available to us and no matter what the reason is the outcome is usually the same, walking away with a broken heart. But, is there a way to deal with something like this and make it a bit easier on yourself? Some people believe there is and others just believe that you must go through your heartaches and see them through to the end. However, there are some ways that you can avoid situations in which you may fall in love with a person you cannot have.

Learn to Remove Yourself From Situations Fast

This is one very effective way to avoid having your feelings hurt. You can usually tell when you are becoming attracted to someone right away. If the object of your affection happens to be married or attached to your best friend then the best thing for you to do is to avoid this person like the plague until you have overcome whatever desires you may be feeling. This is not an easy thing to do because human nature tells us to go after what we want regardless of the price we will have to pay. However, this is also what separates us from other animals. We, unlike wild animals can determine the difference between right and wrong and if something feels wrong then we must use our morals and values to remove ourselves from the situation no matter how painful it may be at first. Keep in mind that the deeper you get into a situation the harder it will be to walk away from. For this reason you should run at the first sign of trouble, so to speak.

Do Not Reveal Your Feelings

If you know that a person is not available because he or she is either married or in a relationship with another person, it will not be a good idea to open up a can of worms by revealing your feelings. Why complicate matters further? Yes there is a good possibility that the person you have your eye on will return your feelings but do you really want to be the person who breaks up a relationship? Chances are if you take some time to consider this question you will take the high road. It is very messy getting involved with someone who is already involved with another person. Not only will this cause another person to feel heartache but you must always remember that the way you obtained your significant other could be the same way that you lose him or her. This means that if you got your lover by stealing him/her from another person then you may as well count on him/her leaving you one day for another person because people usually repeat the same patterns. Is this something that you want to live with? By keeping your feelings to yourself you will be able to avoid temptation and walk away with more ease.

You Cannot Make a Person Return Your Feelings

People love who they love and you cannot make a person feel something that he/she is not feeling. Either a person wants to be with you or he/she does not. There is usually no middle ground where love is concerned. If you have set your sights on a person who has made it clear to you that he/she does not share your feelings then you should walk away from that situation right away and move onto something that is meant for you. Everyone has someone out there for them and the key is in knowing the difference between shared love and one sided love. There are no tactics and tricks when it comes to matters of the heart. No matter how much you may read on the subject from advice columns and internet sites, you can forget about it. If a person does not want you then move on to the next person and cut your losses before you find yourself living an emotional nightmare.

Geographical Cures

In some cases you may be in so much turmoil over a person that you might need to consider drastic measures such as picking up and leaving the entire area in order to put distance between you and the one you love. A geographical cure does not work well for things like drug addiction or other psychological problems but when it comes to removing yourself from the presence of a person who you are in love with but cannot have, this is an excellent solution. Even if your move is just temporary, distance and time have been known to work wonders together in healing a broken heart. Chances are when you get to your destination it won’t be long before someone else comes along to help you forget the person you have been pining over.

The truth of the matter is falling in love with someone you cannot have is going to be hard on you no matter what you do to try and remedy the situation. However, the most important thing to remember is that feelings do fade with time and if you can remain strong and exercise a little bit of will power then you will get through the experience. In fact, you can consider situations like this as learning experiences. Some say there is no pain like that of a broken heart and most of us know this to be true. Fortunately, this is also the type of pain that can heal with minimal scars if we just focus on ourselves and doing what is best for us. Not to worry because what typically happens is that the moment you stop looking for your soul mate is the moment he or she flies into your life.

Comments 13
  1. The truth is that love is hard to come by and when you feel some of these emotions run through your system, the best thing to do is run as fast as your "legs" can carry you if the other party is unavailable. The longer you flatter with the thoughts the deeper the roots and the more dangerous it becomes. Slap yourself to reality and you will save both your face and soul.

  2. I have been in love with someone I can never have for over 6 months now. The points made above are only too right. There is not much I can do except endure the pain. Maybe one day I can move on. 🙂

    1. You never will. I’ve been in love with someone over 38 years, and still talk with her every now and then. I’m now married, and she is a widow. Just get away.

  3. I have been longing for (the correct term) for someone for over 6 months now. I knew from the start that she wasn't single but I could not help how I feel about her. I have not said anything to her and am now trying to keep away from her. (She is absolutely BLAMELESS!!! This is ALL on me). I can only hope and believe that I will one day move on but until then I will have to endure the pain. Still it is nice to know that I am not the only one.

  4. Such strong magnetic connection… I've never experienced it before and feel that she feels the same way but is holding back. She's married and my heart is broken 🙁

  5. I've been in love with someone for almost four years now. To be fair I didn't realize I was in love with her until after she had moved 400 miles away got knocked up and married someone else. I've been trying to get over her for about a year now but it's hard and to be fair I haven't cut off all contact with Her because I vowed to always be there for her in her time of need. We were friends first. She's been going through a difficult time as the man she married turned out to be emotionally and physically abusive. She won't leave him. I guess all I can do is pray.

  6. Good plain English and straightforward advice on a dangerous subject. All made perfect sense, did not over complicate but did not soft soap either. Thanks!

  7. This does help… only trouble is I like someone so much and I think he likes me a little but both our families don't get on with each other. Whether I should just give up my family bond who I have known all my life for someone… it's a big choice to make! I hope that no one else has to go through this! I'm also not considered old enough in our community to even declare my feelings… will have to wait another 4 long years 🙁

  8. I have been holding on for far too long, around five years. I met her at the same time as my friend, and he began a relationship. I never got over my feelings, and I know they are real. We have got together alone, nothing intimate, but to hang around. It is too much for me. I can’t do that and I need to tell her because I can’t just avoid her out of nowhere. I don’t agree with what is said. I am determined to tell her soon, we only have one life and we have to be willing to risk it for who we love. I am extremely conflicted about it, but nonetheless. I don’t even know the consequences. But I do think I have to let her know how I feel about her and this will make it better either way. I don’t know if I’ll come back, but, give the good fight guys. We don’t have forever.

  9. Hmm good article. Wish I’d read it in June!

    An old school flame who I was crazy about back then asked to connect on social, I couldn’t resist and accepted. Fatal mistake.

    30 years of buried feelings erupted and I have told her how I feel. It has all but destroyed my marriage now too.

    We have distance between us and she’s too intelligent to allow it to mess her life, but I cannot shake my feelings for her, nor do I want to if I’m honest. Broken heart or not at least I’m being true to myself.

  10. To fall in love with someone you can’t have is an understatement when the person left their wife and married you for them to go back to their wife and now neither you nor her are married to him and the saga continues if I’ am truly in love with someone I can’t have or if they are in love with someone they can’t have because I’ am now married to someone else.

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