If you’re the kind of guy who is cursed with always finding themselves in the ‘friend zone’, then you may be interested in becoming more ‘mysterious’ and ‘interesting’. While we all like open, friendly and outgoing people, it seems that women in particular are more attracted to the more mysterious types of men who suggest more complex and interesting ‘layers’. Meanwhile, those happy-go-lucky types get relegated to being friends.
Let’s take a look at what it really means to be mysterious and how you can adopt some more mysterious traits yourself.
A Word of Caution
Before we begin, it’s important to first address the inherent dangers that come with trying to be mysterious. For starters, if you try and ‘force’ a sense of mystery and it doesn’t come naturally to you, then you can actually risk just coming across as desperately seeking approval. This is pretty much the opposite of appearing mysterious and will instead come across as needy and socially inept. Oops!
The other problem with trying to be mysterious is that you can risk coming across as a jerk. If you are trying to be mysterious to the point where you aren’t able to laugh at yourself, to have fun, or to be open with others, then you will have sacrificed a little bit too much in the bid to be ‘interesting’. There are women out there who appreciate people who are honest and able to be themselves, so ask yourself if you wouldn’t rather wait for someone like that.
All that said, many people can still benefit from becoming a little more complex and interesting, or from learning to show themselves in a less clown-like manner. Moreover, it is possible to take some of the more positive traits of being mysterious and to adopt them into your genuine personality. Likewise you can choose to employ a little mystery in the right contexts. So read on and take heed, just handle with care.
More Than Meets the Eye
With that out the way, what is it that makes someone more mysterious? There are many answers to this question, but perhaps what lies at the core of being mysterious is the simple impression that you hold more than meets the eye.
Now often this makes the ‘mysterious’ types the quiet types. We think this, because someone who doesn’t talk all that much is likely to have more going on under the surface that we don’t know about. That in turn makes them enigmatic and makes people want to learn more.
But you can be mysterious without being the quiet type. How? By doing so much and by being so interesting, that even when you talk openly there still remains a lot about you that people don’t know.
Thus, one of the best ways to become instantly more interesting is to experience more, learn more and do more. Read often, travel and take up new hobbies and skills. Then avoid talking about those things unless they come up naturally. People will unconsciously tell that you’re someone with lots of layers and lots of stories and this will make you instantly more interesting and more mysterious.
Being Comfortable With Silence
The other trick to having more of an air of mystery, is simply to stop feeling the need to fill every silence. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to talk less, it just means that you should only talk because you have something interesting to say or because it’s needed: not just because you don’t like silences. The ability to be quiet instantly suggests that there is more to you than you give away.
The best way to learn to ‘leave silences’, is to train yourself by using them in conversation. If you feel nervous to do this with people you don’t know, then try it when making small talk with friends and family. Once you stop being the first one to blurt things out, you will find that you appear calmer and people will listen more when you do speak.
What’s also important when trying to be more interesting and mysterious, is simply being somewhat original and unique. Inherently, things that are different are more interesting than things that are run-of-the-mill. And what this essentially boils down to, is just being yourself.
Most of us are weird on some level. Whether that’s because we have unusual hobbies, whether it’s because we hold unique opinions, or whether it’s because our lifestyle is different. Many of us hide these unusual traits though because we want to fit in; which unfortunately has the effect of making us not very interesting. If you agree with everything, if you dress like everyone else and if you seem to just enjoy ‘football and beer’, then you’re hardly going to come across as complex and mysterious. Instead, speak your mind and be yourself and people will learn more.
Don’t be Apologetic
When people do talk about their unusual hobbies or their eccentricities, they often do so in a way that is somewhat apologetic. That is to say they will either make a joke of it, or they’ll say it with a sheepish grin. What this does, is to belittle or undermine that unique trait, such that people think it is just strange.
Instead then, practice telling people about your unique views and interests in a way that’s authoritative and confident. That way people will be interested in learning more – because they’ll wonder if they should follow suit. By talking about something little, but being passionate and confident when you do, you instantly make it much more interesting.